Wammy's House
by 9shadowcat9
Summary: They're out of the asylum and living together... well, nothing'll go wrong here. MXN LXL Sequel to Wammy's Asylum!
1. Chapter 1

When you approached the building you saw a sign saying 'Wammy's house; Stay off our grounds' in red hanging from a tree before you saw the actual building. And when you saw the building, then you heard what happened inside, the occupants weren't exactly quiet. If it wasn't Matt trying to take over the kitchen to cook a feast it was Mello insisting on buying more books for the library. If it wasn't Near moving everything to clean it was BB going between looking after L and insisting the government had put cameras in the shower to spy on them.

And if it wasn't any of this it was loud music being played for no reason other than everyone liked rock excluding Matsuda. When they got there they'd found a padded room with a note saying to use it with Matt if he got out of hand. Of course, BB being the insane genius he was found a _better _use. Matsuda quickly learned if he went into accommodation he'd never come back, otherwise he'd be in a straightjacket... again. BB hadn't realised this was the main reason he left alongside Kira stealing his books to study brainwashing. He'd long since given up his plans to take over the world and kill Mello and L. Now he just wanted to control the police worldwide.

And Mello had decided going to church was an infinitely bad idea after 'the incident' and had found a way around that. ...He'd converted a shed into a small church and was quite happy, Near sometimes joined him to Mello's pleasure. And BB was banned (of course.)

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A month after moving into the house BB turned on the surround sound grinning, putting on Trivium before climbing a table and doing air guitar to the music. Mello stared as BB began to nod to the music so harshly his hair whipped his face. "...What are you doing?" Mello deadpanned. BB squealed and fell of the table from shock. "...I'll leave."

"I'm fine!" The fact BB wasn't getting up contested this idea but Mello wasn't complaining. Maybe Matsuda would leave his room now...

"Sure, I'm making pancakes." Mellow walked out leaving BB to lay there in pain asking for blueberry pancakes. "And it's chocolate chip or nothing." He added under his breath. The blonde suddenly slipped, grabbing a table only to pull it down with him. "Why... do these things... happen to... me?" Mello muttered in pain sitting up and seeing Near polishing the floor. "Uh..."

"Busy." Near cut off. Mello apologised and slid off, using his socks to glide over the polished floor Near had worked on for hours. Mello fell over when the shiny floor ended and the carpet began.

"...Not a word..." Mello grumbled pointing at a random photo. The photo remained quiet.

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Matt slid down the corridor on his stomach, grabbing Near's ankle along the way so the albino fell and was dragged with him. "MATT!" Near screamed in shock as he was released, hearing a thud. Near gently collided with the door Matt's head had collided with around two minutes before hand. Matt jumped up.

"THAT WAS AWESOME! AGAIN!AGAIN!AGAIN!" Matt squealed happily jumping up and down. Someone knocked on the door and Matt answered still giggling at Near blinking in bewilderment. "HI! I'm afraid Glor's out currently so you can deal with the mouse!" He picked up Near by his collar and placed him in front of the policeman. "PANCAKES!" Matt screamed scampering off to the kitchen.

"...Uh..." Near looked at the two men then behind him. "MY FLOOR!" Matt had somehow left a trail of dirt on the floor. Near began to throttle thin air in fury as the men watched wide eyed. "Oh..." Near finally noticed them. "Sorry about that."

"We're... here to see one Matt Wammy? According to our documentation he's meant to be attending secondary school?"

"You just met him." Near grumbled jerking his thumb in the direction of the kitchen. He ignored the fact Matt was around 18 and was too old to attend school, getting him out of the house was the lesser evil... for Near of course. For the rest of the world... they could rot in Near's opinion.

"Oh..." The men looked very scared suddenly.

"He has a very vivid imagination, I'm sure he'll calm down." Near continued slyly, smirking when no one was looking. "We're new around here so..." BB ran past screaming in swimming shorts, probably hot due to the weather being over 26 Celsius. The men stared as BB ran out, poked in his head to wave grinning, then left again. "That's normal." Near dismissed.

"MATT LEAVE THE FUCKING PANCAKES ALONE OR I'LL FUCKING GUT YOU..." The cursing rang though the air, so full of curses it would have made a sailor blush.

"And that's Mello." Near introduced seeing the men gaping like fish. "Would you like a drink?"

"Is it safe?" One policeman whispered to the other. He shrugged and followed the happy albino. A door opened behind them and they all turned. L poked his head out wide eyed and ducked back inside, slamming the door. "Twins?"

"Leave it and walk."

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The policeman had expected Mello to be a tall, muscular man from a gang from the language he used, instead they stopped dead seeing a slightly muscular and feminine blonde munching on chocolate chip pancakes with whipped cream with Matt hanging off his shoulders happily. Mello looked up and raised an eyebrow. "Was it BB again?" Mello questioned.

"No sir..."

"Kira steal another rhino?"

"Well yes but that's not..."

"BB and the bomb squad?"

"No..."

"Near try to burn down the library?"

"..." That didn't even deserve an answer.

"Matt hatch more king cobras?"

"no..."

"Is it about me?"

"Well, no."

"Then why are you staring at me like I've been sown to him?" Mello jabbed his fork at Matt who grinned, drooling slightly. "...Eew." Mello muttered in disgust munching on his food some more. The police stared open mouthed which led to Matt shoving half a pancake into one of their mouths.

"Remember to chew." Matt scolded professionally, leading to glares.

"He needs to attend school." One of the policeman spat out pointing at the red head. Mello smirked darkly leaning back, the effect ruined by his squirty cream moustache.

"Be it on your head." Mello chuckled.

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**9shadowcat9; Like it? Hate it? Should I continue it? :P Advice requested!**


	2. Chapter 2

Dinner that night was a jolly affair, with everyone seated around the large table happily eating the roast dinner Light had cooked. Until Mello got everyone's attention. "Guess who's heading to school?" He began smirking. Everyone immediately looked at Near who glared over the transformers fighting over who got to eat the turkey left on his plate.

**I'm voting the mouse.** Kira commented to Light. _Why?_** Well... who else is that desperate to learn? **He bears a good point. :/ **Yup! XD **_He's guessing. _**Yup! **_Told you. - -' _Uh... Kira? You just contradicted yourself...** ... ... DAMN IT!** Light moved his plate to the side and banged his head on the wooden table. **EARTHQUAKE! **...Actually... **Contradict and die. **...eep... **Thought so. :3** Light groaned loudly.

"Actually, I still work at the cafe." Near whispered as Optimus Prime won the right to the meat by bashing the Decepticons circuit board in. "I might be promoted soon, why would I choose to attend education?" The smile on his face begged to differ, small and weak but honest. They were all silent.

"Then who is it?" BB managed through a mouth full of mashed potato. Matt began jumping up and down waving an arm. He was ignored. "Well?"

"Memememememememe!" Matt repeated loudly trying to get BB's attention.

"Shut up. Who?" Kira snapped grabbing a bottle of whisky and beginning to drink, ignoring the fact Light was T-Total on L's request.

"Matt." Mello pointed at the red head who cheered childishly at his name.

"...No really, who?"

"Is Matt really going to attend school?" L asked quietly looking at the red head sat next to him. Matt cackled leaning over and hugging L. "Is Matt excited?" L smiled gently at Matt's rapid nodding.

"The goblin army wants me to recruit more soldiers!" Matt's face was proud.

"...Five bucks says he's kicked out in a month." Kira whispered to BB who nodded grinning manically. His ruby eyes seemed to shine in excitement as he looked at Kira. "My room tonight or yours?" Sometimes BB loved having a boyfriend. Near finished his meal and shuffled off with his toys tucked under his arm to his bedroom without another word, ignoring Mello's eyes on his back. He was tired, but of what exactly?

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The next day Matt stared at the item in his hand before beaming it and wrapping it around his arm so he was in a grey t-shirt and black jeans with the oddly shaped red rope around his arm. He stepped out to get stopped by Mello. "That's not how you wear a tie, you're meant to wear a shirt and WHAT did you do to your jeans?" Mello listed pointing at the jeans Matt had _edited_ so one leg was shredded and the other reached his knee.

"I have to recruit for the army! I need to look the part!" Matt began to look in a random vase. "Now where's that war paint...?" He pulled out a tin of black shoe polish. "Here it is!" Mello twitched dragging Matt back into the bedroom, annoyed. He should've known better then to think Matt could dress himself.

Two arguments and an attempted stabbing with a water bottle later Matt was being led to a car by Light, the only person in the building who could actually drive, babbling about the annoying blonde who'd kidnapped him after being hired by the orcs. Mello was not amused by this but gave up on convincing Matt otherwise. Now Matt was dressed in a white shirt with a red tie, black trousers and a black blazer with a gold lion sown on the pocket. It suited Matt with his red hair and green eyes, which were hidden behind blue goggles and an aviator hat that looked like it came from WW1. Mello hadn't been able to talk him out of being an idiot it seemed.

**This kid's ****'special'.** Kira complained as Matt began talking happily about going to school. **Bet he fails everything.** _We can't decide if he will or won't Kira, we all need to be supportive. ...What was the school name again? _King's school. :) _Finally! Someone's useful! _**My god bans me helping you. - -' **_Seriously?_** No, but we can go with it! :) **... _...I give up. _

They arrived at the school and Matt got out, smiling at Light as he shouldered his satchel. Light stared. "You're acting... normal." Light managed. Matt placed a finger to his lips smiling before walking off normally, not a cartwheel in sight.

**...OMG! ALIENS! **MUTANTS! _Oo' I can't think of something..._ Light drove to work trying to get over the fact Matt was acting sane as Matt walked into his assigned tutor room with his small smile.

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It was after break Matt kicked off, in English when the teacher asked him to write his name on the board to introduce himself. Matt willingly did so. **01001101 01100001 01110100 01110100**. Immediately the teacher demanded Matt write his name.

"I did." Matt grinned evilly as he pointed. "M A T T." The teacher snarled and Matt giggled. "I used my code for the army!" Everyone stared.

"…what…?"

"I'm a soldier for the goblin army!"

"DETENTION!" The teacher screeched.

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Lunch was immediately after break and Matt immediately decided his target, the young boy sitting on his own in the corner with a black eye. Matt sat next to him and wrapped a bony arm around his shoulder making the boy drop his fork. "Hiya friend!" Matt sang. The boy barely got a word in before Matt started talking about how the new boy was now his best friend (short of Mello and Near and L and everyone else he lived with) and how it was his job to help Matt with his jobs in the army. The small blonde blinked rapidly behind his large glasses.

"…pardon…?" The boy squeaked. Matt giggled louder hugging him. "W… Wait! I don't… who…"

"I'm Matt and I'm your new friend!" Matt was happy if the blonde wasn't.

"I'm Jason…" Matt's grip tightened. "Can't breathe! Let go you weirdo!"

"NEVA!" Matt yelled dramatically. The blonde blushed as the canteen turned to look at the now disheveled blonde and the happy red head. Matt pulled off his hat and shoved it on Jason. "You're my new friend." Matt's smile was suddenly evil. "Unless you'd rather be my slave." And he meant it to.

"…friend's good. Friend's VERY good…" Jason was smart enough to know when to give up his battles. "…please don't hurt me…" Matt's evil smile never changed.

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Matt skipped into the house happily, twirling when out of reach of the wall. "I see Matt's happy." L grinned as Matt paused and bowed. "Did Matt make a friend?"

"Jason's really nice!" Matt laughed. "He's a bit shy and normal but he'll be a great addition to my army!" L chuckled at the red head's excitement.

"Maybe he can come over some time?"

"GET BACK HERE YOU DEVIL IN HUMAN SKIN!" Mello screamed in the back ground. Matt nodded happily as L's phone rang. L answered it twitching until his face brightened.

"Light-Kun." L started smoothly. His face froze. "Misa's sister?" It was common knowledge Misa had an older sister who lived in England to escape Misa's growing fame. "…Dress?" Matt blinked in confusion. "You _**what**_!" L almost screeched.

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Light snarled in fury at the chuckles from the café customers as he walked, he didn't mind the heels of the chunky shoes people wore with Lolita clothing, he didn't mind the fishnet stockings, what he minded was the maid's dress to his knees with numerous frills and bows in black and white with matching cap. Near had gotten off lucky. HE got actual Lolita! White to be exact with black shoes. And why were they wearing these outfits?

Misa's sister Yumi was crazy.

And not the normal crazy either. She was insane, insisting on all the men cross dressing just for fun. So here was Light. In a dress. Serving coffee. Life didn't get any weirder. Near had it easier since he sorta passed for a feminine man and had taken it in his stride.

**I hate that bitch. **Kira grumbled as he read his book in the back of Light's mind. _What're you reading? _**Quantum Physics. :3** …what? _…If he's smarter than me I'll scream. _**Cheese! :D **_Phew. _Nice save. Raito eyed Kira who whistled innocently. _…He isn't smarter than me… is he? _**Of course not! I worship the cheese god! **_You mean chocolate god. _**Exactly! :D **_… I'll play along… ¬¬ That guy better not be taking a photo of me. _ Please don't kill anyone…. TT-TT

"I'm going on break." Light told Near who shrugged. Light turned to walk into the changing rooms and froze seeing red eyes. "BB."

"Hi Light-Kira-kun!" BB sang. He paused. "You're in a dress…"BB was in obvious disbelief.

"SHUT UP!" Light screamed storming past. He ignored the blonde bitch giggling and missed BB paying her a few twenty pound notes. He also missed Near hit someone with a tray for flirting with him.

"I hate this place." Near grumbled irritably.


	3. Chapter 3

Light was not amused to walk into the house and see photos of him in a dress plastered all over the walls. Nor was he amused to see Matt had somehow got it printed on the back of his shirt. He was less amused when Matt tackled him in a hug, kissed him on the cheek and ran off crowing while flapping his arms.

"...Is Light-kun cheating on me?" L whimpered wide eyed in betrayal revealing he'd been hiding under a table waiting for Light's return with a book in his hand. Well, now Light felt guilty... wait that kiss was Matt's fault!

"Course not... he's cheating on me." BB responded coolly, his eyes screaming murder.

"...Matt kissed me!" Light whined.

"And?" BB still looked ready to murder. Light snarled before turning.

"...STOP LAUGHING BITCH!" Light screamed at thin air. Kira continued to howl with laughter in his mind while Raito read his book. L hugged his book closer to his chest, now nervous. "...what's that L?" Light asked noticing the book tucked under L's arm.

"It's a book on family counselling." L wasn't the least disturbed it was in the house conveniently, Light had a feeling Watari had something to do with it. "It suggests one way to deal with arguments within the family is to try and show the other how you feel about each other."

"So basically you cosplay someone in the family to show how they come across to others?" BB interpreted as a grin that wasn't friendly spread over his lips. L nodded and Light groaned, this was going to hurt.

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It was announced the next time everyone was in the same room, which went down... well. They all drew lots to decide who was going to act as whom. To Mello's righteous fury, BB got him. **Hello burned down shed/church. :] **_Poor Mello... _I wonder who L's going to be. **If it's BB or Light I'm going to die laughing, I feel sorry for whoever's doing Near, they'd be constantly cleaning! XD **...You just jinxed us. The lots came out as

_Light-BB_

_BB-Mello_

_Mello-Near_

_Near-L_

_L-Light_

Everyone stared before L got up slowly. "I'll go get a knife." L muttered sulking off to the kitchen. Near blinked at the paper.

"L acts like I do, just more shut in." Near commented blandly to Mello who was busy staring at his lot. "You can borrow my toys if you want." Near smiled as Mello nodded mutely. He was planning how to keep BB OUT of his church. A lock wouldn't work and neither would asking. "...Why'd L go get a knife?"

"In case he has to play Kira." Mello offered.

"And why isn't Matt doing this?"

"...Can Matt even look outside his own world long enough to do this?" Mello looked in the corner at the red head who was rocking back and forward with his fingers entwined in his hands. His eyes were wide as he rocked. Back, forward, back, forward, back, forward. Near sighed, Matt was having another one of those days, he'd been having them since he'd left the hospital. He couldn't hide them easily since they struck more and more now. Matt was starting to see things clearly now.

And it scared him.

"...When do we start this exercise?" Near asked L who had returned. Light smirked having gotten knives with L. Yes, plural, they were sticking out from his belt. "We got very boring pairings, imagine if I had gotten BB or someone had gotten Matt." Near began distantly. "Instead the most interesting one is BB as Mello. Kira is too much like BB to be considered fair."

"Shut it half pint." Kira glared at Near coldly. Kira let out a cackle so BB like BB actually jumped before noticing Kira. Mello frowned. "This is going to be so weird..."

And it was as people very quickly realised they were going to regret this game. Near had asked Mello to show how it seemed to Mello Near acted only to be insulted when the only thing Mello could think of was playing with toys and cleaning. Near did more than that, he was sure!

And L was... a very interesting Light. He was mimicking light's actions perfectly, sitting up straight and neatening out his clothes. Light watched in amusement as Mello chased BB with a knife who was cackling with Mello's family album tucked under one arm.

"...When's dinner?"

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Matt skipped into school, ignoring Light drive away in favour of hunting down Jason. After all, they needed to plan how to recruit the newbie's didn't they? Matt giggled to himself already planning, the best way was to take out the new people's leader to earn respect or to get the leader to join themselves so the lackeys followed. Jason turned the corner at that moment and Matt paused, smile falling seeing the limp. Jason noticed him and barely gasped before Matt grabbed his shoulders harshly.

"Who hurt you?" Matt snarled, no one hurt his recruit and lived.

"...no one..." Jason muttered diverting his eyes to the floor. Matt snarled and the boy flinched. Matt suddenly smiled.

"Come to my house tonight. Light invited you over to dinner." Matt lied. It was actually L who agreed but most people ignored L's permission since he said anything to get you to like him. Jason began to refuse. "Friend or slave, because either way you're coming." Matt added. "And with that limp you can't exactly fight me off." Matt's smile was serene as Jason looked ready to cry. "TO CLASS!" Matt cheered linking his arm with Jason's and dragging him to assembly. Jason just followed limply giving up.

Least he had a friend now... right?

Jason had to wonder if it was worth it at times.

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Matsuda didn't miss Wammy's House. He liked the student accommodation and the nice people he was sharing the Halls of Accommodation with. His course was interesting and he had loads of money thanks to his job at the hospital. Matsuda blinked as his phone rang and he answered.

"Matsuda-san?" L asked meekly on the other end. L often phoned to tell him how things at the house were going, Matsuda did NOT need MI5 or whatever watching the house. Or anyone else for that matter, he'd barely smoothed over the rhino incident. Barely.

"Yes L?" Matsuda sighed putting down his pencil. He was in his room in the dormitories, it was nice. Small but homely with en-suite and a tv in the corner. He only needed the bed and the drawers otherwise. It wasn't as big as the room in the hospital though. He could hear L was happy.

"Matt has started attending school." L began only to cut off at a crash caused by Matsuda falling off the chair. Matsuda instantly felt sorry for the school before remembering Matt's age. "Wammy filled in Matt's release forms wrong." Near explained. Matsuda understood that perfectly, but it was still against the law for Matt to pose as a student. And dangerous, Matsuda added mentally.

"Thanks for telling me Near." Matsuda hung up before Near began his attempts to make Matsuda come back again, like he normally did. Near missed him along with the rest of Wammy's house. For a moment Matsuda felt sorry for leaving.

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Matt sat next to Jason in the assembly hall happily, listening as the aged music teacher played the piano lazily since the school had _lost_ all their CD's the day before. Matt wasn't interested if they didn't have any goblin-pop (g-pop) music. He had tried to explain that and they had thought he meant j-pop, to his eternal annoyance. Why would he want to listen to that rubbish? Jason just shrunk as much as possible at the stares from some of the younger years. Matt had earned a name for himself in one day from breaking into the art room and painting a picture on the wall that looked like a goblin warrior with the words 'now recruiting' underneath.

Matt had got extra credit because the art teacher loved it. Art was now Matt's favourite class, the fact Jason was in it probably helped though.

The music finally stopped and the headmistress stood up shuffling her paperwork in an attempt to look important. The effect was added to by her electric blue hair matching her suit perfectly. "Hello and welcome to our weekly assembly." She began loudly. "Welcome to the new school year."

"She's been saying that for the past two months." Someone whispered.

"As we are all aware, we must treat everyone equally. It doesn't matter what race, religion or sexuality. We are all..." the teacher paused looking at the paper before scrunching it up lazily. "That's boring so I'm going to do this quickly so I can go back to my pancakes." There was a cheer at her words as Matt turned his head to the side in confusion. "Be nice to everyone or get kicked out. And obey the goblin army... Who put this on my forms?" She was suddenly annoyed as Matt snickered, so that's were his message had gone. "Matt Jeevas get up here!" She yelled furiously. Matt stood up happily but didn't move from his spot. "I don't care about what you do, but don't touch my paperwork! I have enough trouble with the teachers for not doing it to deal with this when I do!"

"But I have to spread the word somehow..." Matt pouted.

"You have a mural in the art room I haven't had removed! What more do you need?" she twitched as Matt put to his mouth in an over exaggerated gesture of thought. "Don't answer that." She sighed. "Ok... next week is about the trip to London." Excited whispering followed her words. "Dismissed."

Jason followed Matt out of the room before voicing his opinion. "You're crazy."

"Well, that _is_ why I got sent to Wammy's asylum!" Matt laughed. For a moment Jason hoped he was kidding. Sadly he knew all too well Matt rarely lied.

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Jason followed Matt to the locker rooms twitching; eying the rope Matt had tied around his neck like a leash to stop him running off... again. Matt just hummed the national anthem of the goblins under his breath with a slit skip in his step.

They got to the changing rooms and walked in only for Matt to pause in interest as the gym teacher fucked the tech guy. Jason immediately dragged out Matt who insisted on watching. Matt slammed the door behind him pouting, ignoring the argument behind him on whether to continue or not. Fifteen minutes later the door reopened and the tech guy walked out straightening his t-shirt happily. He left with a wave over his shoulder and a sing song bye.

The gym teacher walked out afterwards pulling on a t-shirt that showed off his muscles easily. He eyed Matt and Jason as he paused. "Well? Get changed!" He ordered stalking off, obviously embarrassed at the encounter.

"...I'm scared..." Jason whispered as Matt watched the gym teacher leave wide eyed.

"He shall join my army..." Matt whispered grinning psychotically as he plotted. Jason just backed away even more scared. "Well? Let's go!" Matt danced happily into the changing room and Jason shuffled after him, relieved Matt had released the leash. Now for the next problem, getting it off. Matt looked at Jason, still not changing and, after moving so he was next to him, pulled off his shirt and threw it on the bench next to his own clothing. Matt paused holding up the t-shirt they were given to wear in gym. "What's this symbol?"

"...Our school logo..." Jason muttered in annoyance getting changed. "Will you get rid of the rope?"

"No." Matt's reply was short and sweet. Sorta. Jason yelled in frustration.

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Near and Light wondered into work and clocked in, Light moving to the kitchen when he got cornered by a certain blonde. Yumi giggled as Light glared tiredly, he was not up for this... especially since he had to pick up Matt after this... "I decided to give you a pay rise as thanks for yesterday!" She chirped happily referring to the dress incident.

"...thanks..."**Will not kill. Will not kill...**

"But I want to know more about your relationship with Misa as repayment." Yumi added coldly, eyes narrowing. Light and Kira groaned in unison. _I blame you. _Well, logically speaking he probably didn't even know Misa had a sister. **Uh... ^^'** You did, didn't you. **Sorta... maybe... yeah... **_You idiot__. _Light cursed under his breath.

"You know I have Dissociative identity disorder...?" Light started planning the best way to make himself not look like a rapist.

"Yeah...?" Yumi's eyes remained narrowed.

"Well... see... One of them's called Kira and he..."

"Used and abused?" She finished with a sigh. Light blinked. "I knew it was going to happen sooner or later, she was to innocent." She groaned into the hands as Light blinked. So he _wasn't_ fired or killed? "She kept calling you Kira and recognised you from the photo's she sent me." **...Photos...?** Kira muttered in horror. **PHOTOS? WHAT PHOTOS DID SHE GET OFF ME?** There was silence as Kira thought. **Oh fuck.** I shall point and laugh at your stupidity. Raito did neither though because Kira pounced on him. Light listened to the thuds and yells inside his brain twitching. _Please be careful of my sanity, that's fragile. _**You mean that thing we... OW you bastard!... smashed last year? **_Oh yeah. TT_TT _You people always entertain me, you know that? XD Light turned promptly and banged his head against the wall.

"Mini-war again?" Yumi laughed.

"Mini-war." Light confirmed bitterly. Yumi laughed harder getting Light a free coffee for his woes.

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Light picked a traumatized Jason and happy Matt from school and sighed seeing Matt leading Jason with a leash. "Untie it. Now." Light ordered as Matt got in. Jason nodded in agreement rapidly as Matt glanced at him.

"...fine..." Matt untied him and instead hugged him, leaning his head into the crook of Jason's neck.

"...Good enough." Light sighed as Jason tried to push off the red head. He failed.

_Damn kids. _**Damn straight.** I think it's cute! o^^o Young love is so sweet!** But it's not love, it's attempted rape. - -' And I say attempted because Matt hasn't tried anything yet.**_ ...Good point..._ **That and the fact the blondes wimpier then Near. Smaller to.**_ I think he's a bit taller._** He crouches. The blonde's teeny. **Kira went to sleep leaving Light to listen to the snoring in the back of his mind. I think it's cute! _I know Raito, and part of me agrees. It's just... Is that Matt? _Kira woke with a snort and saw the man walking down the road. Kira grinned.

"Ok brats, I'm putting on the child locks. Matt, that rope you used for the leash I want you to use to restrain." Kira ordered sadistically as Matsuda approached unaware of the danger. Matt blinked. "Make sure he doesn't escape."

"Uh... Mister Light?" Jason whimpered seeing 'Light's' feral eyes.

"That's Kira bitch." Kira cackled. "Now!" Matsuda didn't have a chance as Kira jumped out, shoved him into the back and drove off. "I win!"

"Light?" Matsuda almost screamed in terror as Matt bound his wrists. Jason just cowered in his seat realising he wasn't going to escape easily and that he wanted nothing to do with kidnapping. "Matt? ...Who are you?"

"Jason..."

"Jason!" Matsuda finished. "Wait... who is he?"

"New recruit." Matt shrugged happy with his tight knots.

"...Matt, you can't kidnap people." Matsuda sighed.

"Who are you?" Jason asked.

"Matt's doctor Matsuda." Matsuda introduced tiredly. "Am I at least going to get to class tomorrow?" The silence answered him. "Damn it."

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**9shadowcat9; Everyone's back together! :D Is that a good thing though? X3 I dunno, I'm winging this fic. At least Wammy's asylum was (sorta) planned.**


	4. Chapter 4

"...I'm going to guess this is normal..." Jason muttered dully caught between staring at the albino continuously wiping down the table which seemed unable to reach his standards, the blonde reading the bible while listening to death metal loudly over his headphones, the people he could swear were twins both talking to Light one with a knife and the other near tears and Matt happily chatting with the man named Matsuda who was tied to a chair. Matsuda sent him a long suffering look with a plea for help which Jason ignored in favour of planning his own escape. This planning was stalled when the twins grabbed him and forced him into a dining room chair.

"What do you want for dinner?" The blonde asked politely removing his head phones as he smiled brightly. Jason was dazzled for a moment by the beauty of his smile.

"Uh... nothing t..." Jason started nervously.

"ARE YOU INSULTING MY COOKING YOU FUCKING MORON?" The blonde slammed the bible on the table and turned sharply so his body faced Jason completely, his rosary flying in an arc gracefully before falling against his leather top. "I TRY TO BE POLITE AND YOU THROW IT BACK IN MY FUCKING FACE!" Jason paled as the blonde's face was a mask of fury as he continued to scream.

"...what's on offer?" Jason gave up escape at that moment. He was going to die.

"Since its Friday we can have waffles... or egg on toast or soup... do you have any allergies?" The blonde sounded... chirpy... as he began listing what he could cook. Jason made himself seem smaller in an attempt to hide from the PMSing blonde. Matsuda smiled gently.

"Mello has histrionic personality disorder." Matsuda explained as Mello almost skipped out of the room to cook, Matt following like a lost puppy. "He's improved. Normally he would've punched you."

"Matsuda missed allot since he abandoned us." One of the twins pouted beginning edge closer. His ruby eyes twinkled evilly. "I wonder if Matsuda will regret leaving."

"I have _class_ BB. I offered to come back on weekends but you said no so I stayed away of fear of getting _kidnapped. __**Again.**_" Matsuda sighed.

"...I heard again..." Jason whispered to the albino.

"This has happened before." He shrugged moving the bible to rub the area furiously. "Mello ruined my table again." The albino pouted. "Who are you?" Wow, blunt.

"I... I'm Jason. I was kidnapped by Matt."

"I'm Near, Mello's boyfriend." The albino didn't look at all interested as he continued cleaning making Jason shrink more. "Matt likes you, otherwise he wouldn't be trying to help you." Near suddenly commented.

"Help?"

"He's worried about you getting constantly hurt, from what I can see you are most likely a victim of abuse or bullying. It's none of my business though so I'll stay out of it." Jason's jaw literally dropped as Near remained emotionless throughout his examination of Jason's psyche. "I grew up in an asylum, I know the signs of abuse." Near turned to Jason, his eyes cold. "And I say this now. If you hurt Matt in any way, I will slaughter you. Am I understood?" Jason nodded rapidly. "Good." His tone meant the conversation was finished and that Jason was dismissed. For a moment Jason felt like he was five again.

Poor boy, we should talk to him. :( **About what? The best ways to gut a pig? **Why would you know that? :/ _Good question actually._ Light commented. **I got bored and found the book in the library. It's got good diagrams. **That's not a good sign. **:P** ...How very mature. Raito was not impressed with Kira who waved cheerily. Light just ignored them and focused on the obviously freaked blonde.

"Are you ok?" Light sat next to Jason and smiled warmly, noting the tears in his eyes as Jason looked near a mental break down. Jason nodded quickly wiping an eye. "Don't look it."

"Sorry... just some dust." Jason moved away from Light and closed to Matsuda slowly. "When can I go home?"

"Well, by the time dinner's done it'll be too late to drop you off." Light lied smoothly. "I guess you'll be staying the night." Light's smile all but dropped as Jason whimpered loudly in absolute terror. "We're not _**that**_ bad. I mean, sure Kira's a pest and Raito's a bit of a know it all but..."

"Who?"

"They're me. We are collectively known as Kira, Raito and Light. Be very careful of Kira." Light added urgently. "We barely stopped him poisoning Mello." Jason slumped in a near feint wide eyed. "...I shouldn't have said that..."

"I'm going to die..." Jason all but wailed before crying into his hands.

"...I'll leave you alone..." Light knew when to leave. **...baby... **I feel sorry for him, he _was_ kidnapped._ He's a friend. _Matt kidnapped him and you know it. He saw a kidnapping, met Mello AND was told he's stuck here till tomorrow. Trust me, I'd freak out to. :(_ ...Know it all._

Light rolled his eyes and looked at Near who was cleaning even more rapidly than before. Light had to give him credit, at least he had a decent excuse for ignoring people; his OCD.

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Around an hour later saw Jason sitting at a table poking at a plate full of (delicious looking) food. The only problem was after Kira had come out and gloated about poisoning the food in the past he'd conveniently lost his appetite. Which led to a bitch fit from Mello. Matt hummed making a fort out of fish sticks happily, using peas to make a moat and the celery... was thrown over his shoulder. Mello gave up making him eat vegetables and instead focused on making Jason eat more.

Raito daintily cut up the food and ate it slowly, eyes closed showing his annoyance. Everyone was sick of Jason's _pathetic_ attempts to leave, except Matsuda but he was more sympathetic then annoyed. It was obvious Jason was scared. **Can we just tie him up? **That'll make matters worse. _We can lock him in a room. _Refer to last answer. - -'** So we're powerless? **_Seem's so. _**...I hate this kid.**

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"This way!" Matt happily led Jason down numerous corridors until they paused at one, he opened it showing a padded cell. It was bare except for a pile of blankets in one corner, a chest of drawers and a poster on the wall about recruiting for the Goblin army. Matt grinned as Jason stared. So he wasn't kidding about the asylum thing... "This is my room!" Matt pulled Jason along again. "You can stay in the spare room next door to Kira and Mello!"

"...Kira? Don't you..."

"We have separate rooms for Raito, Kira and Light since they wanted to decorate the room differently. We had enough rooms so we gave them one each." Matt explained posing wisely. "AWAY!" Matt ran off flapping his arms like a pigeon wildly making Jason sigh forlornly. He had been around Matt to long if he no longer bothered him... Matt paused at a door with a bolt lock on it and threw it open, happily jumping into the padded room. Jason stood at the door wide eyed. The room was to _white_ with padding everywhere as if it was taken directly out of a hospital and the only things adorning it was a hand-drawn poster for recruiting the goblin army, a pile of clothes in the corner and a plain bed next to the wall. "This is my room! It's like what I had back home!"

"...Home?"

"Yeah!" Matt flopped on his bed with a happy squeak. "The hospital! This was what my room was like since I was always getting in trouble!" Jason felt sorry for Matt as he edged in and sat in a corner slowly. The more he learned about Matt the more he wanted to understand about him... and get away from him at times.

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"Where are we going..." Matt whined the next day in the school as Jason led him down a corridor. The blonde sighed wearily.

"To get you your password for the computers."

"At eight AM?" Matt whined louder sounding almost normal. Jason just rolled his eyes as he entered the IT office. The figure in the sofa bed shot up blearily.

"What happened...?" He slurred obviously just waking up.

"Uh... you sleep here sir?" Jason managed wide eyed.

"Oh, it's you. Blonde kid and Goblin person." The IT man, Robert according to the name plate on the floor where it'd been flung, managed getting up and pulling on a shirt. "Yeah, and?"

"...Why?"

"So that blasted principle doesn't steal my stuff! I bought everything here!" Robert flung out his arms proudly at the bomb site of wires, broken electronics and clothes. "That's my bed!" He added angrily as Matt sat on the sofa lazily.

"Isn't it, yah know, illegal to live in the school?"

"Nah. So what'd you need? DON'T TOUCH THAT!" Robert snapped as Matt picked up some wires. "That's my tazer!" He pulled trousers over his boxers and pulled out a piece of paper. "Here's your password, get out." He tried to shoo out the boys only for them to continue standing there. "... WHAT?"

"Want to join the goblin army?" Matt asked wide eyed in hope as he clasped his hands as if in prayer.

"...Not on your life if you paid me." Robert spat out grabbing Matt and Jason's arms before shoving them out the door. After a minute Robert strode past carrying a wash bag and headed towards the men's toilets.

"Well, he was nice." Matt hummed skipping off to the library. Jason quickly ran the other way.

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"Near." Yumi looked at the albino tiredly, resting her head on the table she slept on when she had his attention. "You're in charge, now shoo. I'm hungover and tired."

"Is that..."

"Who owns this place and hired you?"

"...You..." Near sighed putting down his tray. "Do I need anything?"

"A dress." Yumi wasn't helping him. At all.

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**9shadowcat9; I have an excuse for being late updating! It's called 'exam period'. TT_TT**


	5. Chapter 5 Poor Jason

"How do I run a cafe?" Near asked that night. Everyone froze before looking at the albino who stared at them coldly. After a moment Mello lowered his fork.

"I thought you were happy working there." His eyes hardened. "Is it because of those perverts? If it is I'll rip off their heads and..." Near cut off the blondes rant with a nonchalant flip of his hand.

"Yumi's being lazy, I have to run it for a few weeks. She said she had a hangover."

"...A hang over that lasts a few weeks?" Matt asked through a mouthful of mashed potato.

"I think she was lying." Near shrugged. Everyone held an uncomfortable silence as Near continued thinking aloud, some of the things he said so obvious Mello was worried he had a fever. After a minute BB hit Near on the back of the head and turned to Matt as Near, successfully cowed, went back to his meal.

"So... how was school?" BB asked Matt grinning darkly.

"Our IT man lives in his office!" Matt started happily. "And I got my username and password! The tech guy used the word 'goblin' for my password!"

**...Ok, seriously. This guy needs a straight jacket. **_We tried that. He had a knife in his sleeve. _Isn't that unsafe? **Some idiot trained him how to use a military knife. DX **Isn't Near's dad a lieutenant? **...THAT BASTARD! I'LL KILL HIM! **"...Matt, who trained you to use a knife?" Light asked lightly.

"L." Matt managed between mouthfuls of food. Everyone looked at the detective.

"I was bored." L shrugged. Light gaped in shock.

"ARE YOU SERIOUS?" Kira screamed stabbing the table with his knife. "I HAVE TO PUT UP WITH HIM FOR YOU GETTING BORED?"

"Sorry." L smiled cutely. Kira screamed face palming dramatically._ Please don't kill my brain cells. _**...sorry...** Kira muttered grudgingly. _...you apologised! DX THE WORLD'S ENDING! FLEE BUNNIES, FLEE! _**Bunnies? **_Long story involving Easter. _:3 Do tell. _...I miss easter ok? I want a chocolate bunny! TT_TT _**...Chill dude. :/ Chill.**

"...And now Light's crying and Raito's studying how to make chocolate..." Kira sighed. BB choked on a piece of chicken. "Don't ask."

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Light groaned as Near wondered the cafe with his head in a book. Yumi hadn't shown up leaving a note that made it clear Near was in charge. Sadly Near had no clue what he was doing. **I do. :3** Kira tried. You are not poisoning the food. Raito snapped.

"Oi! I'm hungry!" One customer yelled.

"Live with it." Near muttered flipping a page.

"Uh... sorry about that sir! What can I get you?" Raito stammered flipping open the note book quickly. _We need a new boss... TT_TT _**me me me me me!** NO! Raito groaned writing down the order quickly.

"Light, can we shut early?" Near asked sitting at a table lazily over his book as Raito rushed around trying to keep up with the business.

"No! Now shut up and help!" Kira snapped angrily rushing into the kitchen to give the layabout cook the orders. Mello looked up from doing his nails, still annoyed Near had dragged him into the cafe with the bribe of a rare lindt chocolate bunny. Well, it was rare...

"Light..." Mello started to complain.

"Just take the fucking order! I'm already rushed off my feet!" Raito snapped giving him the order and rushing out again. Near just hummed reading the book he'd stolen off Matt.

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Matt sat in the English class room humming as he took notes, once again in the binary code. The English teacher looked over his shoulder and sighed, having accepted Matt's... quirks. In fact, when the kid got over the whole goblin thing he'd probably be a good student. After all the goblin thing was just a phase... right?

Closer examination of Matt's paper that night and translating it so he figured out it was about the fall of the first goblin king whose daughter was kidnapped and raped by the orcs leading to the first of _17_ world wars between orcs and goblins made him realise; no, Matt was a lost cause.

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"Guess what!" The principal stood in front of the school grinning manically as the students watched in boredom. "Someone?" Silence. "Whoever guesses gets a five!"

"GCSE's are early?" Jason muttered bitterly.

"IT'S VALENTINE'S DAY SOON!"

"I know that!" Matt gasped in shock. Everyone looked at him in horror. "It's the holiday where goblins hunt for mates!"

"...close enough..." She sighed in annoyance. "Anyway, you all want to know my genius plan for valentine's day?" Everyone looked worried at the smile which meant nothing good.

"No!" Someone yelled.

"Tough shit. Anyway, what we're going to do is instead of lessons..." Someone whooped at the lack of lessons offered. "We're going to pair up and learn about family life and s-e-x." Another person screamed in frustration, this was blocked out by Jason bashing his head with his hand in frustration muttering. Matt's eyes saw the cuts hidden by the shirt sleeve and smirked darkly, saying nothing. "It's not that bad..."

"I'M WITH JASON!" Matt crowed glomping the poor blonde who tried to push him off and when that failed shrunk from Matt's grip.

"Please find someone else to torture..." Jason begged. Matt just hummed happily, refusing to let go throughout the rest of the assembly and half way to class. He was happy to be taller than Jason just because it was easier to do this.

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That break Jason looked around the corner and sighed in relief seeing no red heads. Matt had gotten him paranoid... perfect. Jason almost cried as he pulled out the box cutter and extended it. He needed it. Oh god he needed it... Jason raised the box cutter to his wrist and cut slowly, feeling lighter as the blood began to drip down his wrist.

"I KNEW IT!" Jason screamed in horror, jumping at Matt's triumphant scream as he pointed at the blonde. "I KNEW YOU WERE DEPRESSED!" As far as Jason was concerned it wasn't something Matt should be happy at but...

"Uh... It wasn't what it looked like..." Jason stammered pushing up his glasses as he felt ready to cry. Matt just hugged him tightly, trapping the boy in his grip.

"This is great!" Matt continued happily, his breath tickling Jason's ear as he knelt next to him. "Now you can move in with me!" Jason actually felt his soul leave his body, floating to heaven from the near heart attack. Sadly this was not the case.

"WHAT?" Jason screeched starting to struggle in the warm embrace. Matt just tightened his grip laughing. "C... can't breathe!"

"You need someone to watch you constantly with a degree in counselling! That's what Mello and Near and Raito have!" Jason almost collapsed realising what he meant. He was so fucked. "And you can live with me and we'll talk and read and plot recruitment policies and we can always be together!" Matt began excitedly almost bouncing on the balls of his feet. Jason used this to escape and fell to his knees begging.

"Anything but that! Please! Anything! I feel happier!" Jason began feverishly. "I won't cut again! I'll go to counselling! I'll... I'll help you with the goblin army recruitment! Just please don't make me move in with you!"

"...Why don't you want to move in with me?" Matt started in confusion, blinking as Jason continued his pleas for pity. "I mean... you're cutting so surely you'll be happier living with me..."

"Please..." Jason sobbed making Matt frown more.

"No, you're moving in!" Matt snapped in anger. Jason flinched at Matt's annoyance and settled for crying into his hands as he felt his life ending in that moment.

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"That went well." Near commented happily counting the money made that day. Mello leant over and snatched a fifty pound note.

"Stuff the chocolate, I want my pay." Mello snapped angrily. The amount of people eating at the cafe had almost trebled when Mello began cooking. Light sat next to Mello and after a moment let his head hit the table tiredly.

"We need a new waiter..." Light groaned not bothering to nurse his head ache.

"BB needs a job." Near commented lightly.

"NO!"

"YES!" Everyone looked at BB who had appeared randomly over a chair. "...What? I needed to do something to make sure no one touched my boyfriend..." BB pouted. "Perhaps you can hire L!"

"..." Everyone looked at the albino who was seriously considering it.

"I was kidding." BB muttered.

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**9shadowcat9; Fast enough update? Please review, I currently feel unloved... TT_TT**


	6. Chapter 6

L smiled as Matsuda talked to him happily about his day in class, since BB was in the cafe Matsuda used that to go to class, get the information on the classes he'd missed and explain the trouble of living with ex-inmates of the hospital. Matsuda now had to write an essay for extra-credit about it to make up for other missed essays. There was a dullness in his eyes though, one only L could see. Matsuda was being worn down by the small group, maybe the stress of university as well. All he knew was that Matsuda looked more tired by the day.

L's thoughts were disturbed by BB barging in and running over to a kitchen drawer. "I have a job!" BB cackled tucking a knife into his belt.

"...Who'd you murder this time?" L sighed.

"No one." BB's voice was too innocent.

"And who in their right mind would hire you?" L had a reason to doubt BB being legally hired. History said rightfully no one would hire BB. "Also, don't you remember your _other_ job? Catching murderers that aren't you? Breaking and entering? Grievous body harm? Any of this ringing a bell?"

"...yes..." BB tried to sound cute. "Its how we afford the bills and mortgage on the house..."

"And you want another job _because..._" L continued.

"It means I can flirt with Kira!" BB grinned darkly. "It'll be like a date where we're paid!"

"And Yumi hired you? Willingly?"

"Well, not Yumi..." BB giggled nervously.

"...Near?" L sighed.

"Yup! Aren't you happy our little genius trusts me?"

"Actually I feel me and him need a serious adult talk about his sanity."

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Near sat watching the front door in boredom. Five past six pm. Then he sighed and went over how today had went. On one hand, they had earned more today than in the past month combined. On the other hand he'd just hired BB of all people as a waiter. The master manipulator... This might be his best idea ever! The door opened and Matt dragged still crying Jason in with him.

"Guess what!" Matt hugged Jason happily.

"...You're dating?" Matt beamed as Jason's legs gave away under him from horror. "...He's moving in?" He guessed seeing Jason's all too revealing reaction to his words. "Matt, kidnapping is illegal."

"But..." Matt's lips wobbled cutely. "...please...?" Near rolled his eyes.

"Ask Matsuda." Matt squealed happily dragging out Jason who'd given up fighting. Near looked at the clock. Ten past six. Near sighed standing up and brushing himself off. Time to pester Mello to cook him something.

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"And then the little brat coerced me into working in the kitchen!" Mello snapped his chocolate furiously as L listened sympathetically.

"Mello was paid fairly." Near protested slipping in.

"You know I'm addicted to chocolate!"

"You agreed." Near insisted sliding into a chair and looking at Mello expectantly. "You normally cook for half six, why aren't you currently cooking?"

"Near is correct." L looked at Mello owlishly biting his thumb. Mello shrunk slightly at the stares.

"...Can't I take a day off once in a while? We have enough to order pizza... or a curry. There's a place nearby that does a good korma for a five." Mello sulked.

"I thought Mello liked his figure."

"I like taking a day off more." Mello pouted as Mello and Near exchanged looks.

"Jason's moving in!" Matt sang just as Mello decided to order pizza half an hour later. Jason walked in, sat down and let his head hit the table. Near rolled up a nearby newspaper and hit him with it till he sat up. Jason looked at Near sadly.

"I am aware Matt is forcing you to live here, however don't take it out on my table." Near said coldly. Jason nodded slowly and sat there quietly, like he thought Near was going to eat him.

"We're going to London soon!" Matt started telling L. "It's £30 and we go to this thing called an expo and everything!" L pulled out his wallet and wordlessly pulled out £50. "Why does your licence say Ryuuzaki?" Matt gasped wide eyed.

"Because police do not believe L is a real name and due to my Japanese heritage Ryuuzaki is a believable alias. I also call myself Deneuve and Eraldo Coil depending on who has hired me." L explained as Matt pocketed the money happily. L pulled out a twenty and offered it to Jason who looked at in confusion. "If you're moving in you're part of the family." Jason took the offering, unknowingly sealing L as a friend. "Now about where you're sleeping." Matt began waving his arms to get attention. "We have two spare rooms... if that's ok with you..." L added shyly, beginning to curl up more. Jason looked at Matt who was almost hopping while sitting down.

"That's fine..." Stay calm and sneak out at night, Jason reminded himself of his plan while keeping his face slightly freaked at the crouched man who reminded him of a gargoyle ready to spring and attack.

"Near, will you show Jason the rooms? I need to speak to Matt." Near glared but nodded getting up. As soon as they were out of the room Mello and L looked at Matt. "He's planning something. A few days ago he was ready to cry at the sight of Matt and now he was to... calm. There's a five percent chance he's planning on sneaking out a window."

"So that's why you said there were two rooms when there are three... There are two rooms without windows." Mello realised his idols plans in amazement, this was why he worshiped L! L nodded in agreement picking up the phone.

"Does this curry house do cake?"

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BB saw the police before they reached the door. The police saw the black blur before he jumped into their car and drove off. The policeman stood there slack jawed, his hand raised in preparation to knock. "...It stole my car..." The door opened to show a Japanese man in a suit, struggling to hold up a pile of heavy books and open the door.

"Sorr..." He dropped the books on the policeman's foot making him yell in pain. "Sorry!" He gasped trying to pick up the hardback books that were all over a thousand pages long each. The policeman winced trying to put the injured foot down. "I'm meant to be writing an essay." He explained tiredly picking up all the books successfully on his third attempt. "Do you want to come in?"

"...Uh... I think someone who lives here stole my car?"

"I don't think so, all the residents are still here with the exception of BB who's on a plane to America to locate a serial killer who's killed four prostitutes while mimicking Jack the Ripper." He managed opening the door with difficulty. "Why are you here?"

"There was an incident with Jason's father, apparently while drunk he drove his car into the police station." The man coughed lightly. "We need to ask Jason who his closest living relative is."

"I'm afraid Jason's... busy..." Matsuda paused unsure how to answer. Upstairs Jason was dealing with Raito and his degree in therapy. "Would you be willing to wait ten minutes?"

"Can I use your phone while I'm here? I need a taxi back and to report... my car theft..." The policeman asked sheepishly, embarrassed at his situation.

"I'll pay for your troubles." Matsuda was sympathetic, but there was a reason they lived away from the city. It was named Kira and BB. Society did nothing to deserve them... yet. Light walked down the stairs as Matsuda led the policeman to the Kitchen.

"...who's the bozo in the suite?" Kira drawled. _DAMN IT! _Please Kira... Please let me handle this.** ...You owe me.** Two hours with BB. **12, I want to go on a date. **_8 and you will like it._** ... - -' **"Sorry about that, can I help you sir?" Raito said smoothly taking over.

"Raito... do I introduce you as Raito or Light?" Matsuda asked nervously, moving the books from one arm to the other.

"I'm Raito, honoured to meet you." Raito bowed politely. The policeman gaped. "These are Jason's psychological notes that I gathered, he's not a major risk but I'd recommend keeping him here." His face turned to a sneer. "Little fucker just sat in a corner muttering how his dad would kill him. Hope I can watch, maggot made me want to rip his guts out and feed 'em to the pigs." The policeman stared in horror at Kira as he looked at him. _Date with BB. _**I told you my conditions, 12 or nothing. I can easily get Light arrested. **_...12 if you fuck off now. _Don't encourage him. _I am not getting institutionalized again. _...fair enough... **YAY!**

"Really sorry about that." Raito groaned.

"Raito has DID." Matsuda explained. "I'm his doctor."

"I'd avoid the kitchen by the way, Kira had a food fight with the curry." Raito added seeing Matsuda glance at the door. "Near's had a cleaning fit again. And the closet was taken over by Matt's shrine."

"...Not another marshmallow goblin..." Matsuda groaned, dropping his books in annoyance. "...Don't ask..." He added seeing the policeman open his mouth. He shut it obediently.

"Actually I was going to ask when Jason would be available." The man squeaked nervously. Matsuda sighed pointing at the staircase. The man almost ran up them in an attempt to escape Raito.

"They know us to well." Matsuda sighed. BB skipped in, his face smeared with oil. "...I thought you were going to America?"

"A better opertunity came up." A few miles away in a old peoples home they all crowded around a car crashed into a tree.

"I told them letting Pat get a drivers licence was a bad idea..." One complained loudly as she leant on her crutch.

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**9shadowcat9; I can't believe it took me this long! DX I've had this in my file for a week gathering dust! Anyhow, excuses. Exam results, moving and being on holiday for a month with no internet and then coming home to learn; still no internet. Story of my life. TT_TT Failed my exams AND no internet. And I'm officially addicted, withdrawal symptoms SUCK.**

**Sorry for not updating sooner. :'(**


	7. Chapter 7

Dinner that night was a quiet affair, with Jason sniffing quietly every couple of minutes as everyone averted their gaze from the now orphan. With the exception of BB and L of course. **So wanna go to the mall tomorrow? I saw this awesome movie in the 99p store! :D **_I thought we were banned. _**We are.** Then are we allowed in? ** I had a talk with the manager two days ago. Light you should go out drinking more often! XD **_...why? _**You're more easy to possess when drunk. That and watching L try drinking to fit in was plain hilarious. **_...possess? _**You're being taken over by an unseen force who believes he's god, that's the definition of possession. **...He's right there. :/ _ARE YOU TELLING ME KIRA'S COMPARING HIMSELF TO A FUCKING GHOST? _**Pretty much. **Light screamed banging his head on the table. "SHUT UP!"

"...I'm glad I don't have DID." Mello commented to himself as Light continued to curse loudly. "Imagine Kira being in your head 24/7." Near shuddered at the thought. Light groaned resting his head on the table in pain and resentment. "...You ok?"

"...I hate my life..."

"That's a yes." Mello dismissed. "So Near, any idea when Yumi's coming back?"

"Considering its Yumi I have no idea." Near admitted pulling out a finger puppet and beginning to play with it half heartedly. "She phoned again saying I could run it for the rest of the year."

"Does that girl take any responsibility for anything?" Mello snapped in annoyance, stabbing his food. The plate chipped slightly. "Oops. Sorry about the plate." Near shrugged as BB hummed.

"Did you see the news?" BB suddenly started. "They're saying a woman named Pat fixed a police car over night with the help of her husband and went joy riding in it, they still haven't been caught."

"Good on them." Mello chuckled.

"Are they even allowed to drive?" Near asked curiously.

"Probably not, but who cares? Still pretty awesome."

"I agree with BB..." L muttered curled up on his seat with a pile of sugary stuff in front of him for his dinner.

"...Considering people our age will be driving in their nineties at this rate I don't see the problem..." Jason whispered. Everyone stared at him till Matt clapped him on his back harshly.

"There's a good goblin!" Matt commented loudly. Jason seemed to shrink losing his previous confidence. "...Awwww you shrank..." He complained childishly. Jason shrank more at the chuckles from the rest of the table. He apologized quickly finding new interest in his food.

"Will Jason be returning to school tomorrow since it's Monday?" L asked kindly.

"...I guess..."

"Good, good." Mello smirked coldly. "Since you're now talking perhaps you'll help clear up?" It wasn't an option. Jason nodded as L looked between him and the cake.

**Will he ever learn cake isn't the cure to all problems? **_Oi, leave my boyfriend alone! _**Fine, fine. You still owe me a date with BB by the way. ¬¬ And I intend to claim what I'm owed. **Damn it we were seriously hoping you'd forget. **-_-' Seriously? **Well, not seriously but it WAS a small hope! **Aren't you the **_**smart**_** one? **_...Actually he has a point. _**Which one of us? **_Kira has a point. Also, BB's offering me a jam pizza gotta go. _**! TT_TT **Dude, get over it. We have a pot of jam in the cerebral vortex. **Sniff, it's not the same...**

"No thank you BB." Light declined. BB pouted before taking a huge chunk out of the pizza showing fang like teeth. Light politely refrained a shudder.

"Your loss." BB shrugged grinning wider showing jam stained teeth. Light looked at the steak in front of him, then BB before turning green. _I just lost my appetite... _Same.** I knew I loved him for a reason. **_We get it, you're both psychopaths._ **You know me well young Anakin. **Something smashed. **DAMN IT RAITO! **_Please tell me that wasn't the vase that represents my sanity. _Oh, we broke that already. This is the photo representing the first day of school. _...STOP SMASHING MY BRAIN TO PIECES! _:'(

Mello noticed Light making a face at his steak and the glint in Mello's eye when Light saw him was enough to make him cut off a bit and shove it into his mouth quickly. Mello nodded regally and went back to his food as Matt tried to steal it. Mello stabbed the table with his fork and Matt stared at it wide eyed before grinning wider and hugging him. Mello just poked him with the fork till he let go. Matt poked Mello, ruining his perfect hair. Mello screamed without realising and ran out to find a mirror.

"I win." Matt sang. All the while Matsuda just read his book with a fork hanging from his mouth with practised patience.

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"Valentines day, valentine's day..." Matt skipped down the corridor happily with Jason trailing behind in surrender. "It's valentine's day." He sang cheerily.

"It's ferris wheel day..." Jason muttered.

"Valentine's day." Matt sang a little louder. Jason groaned as they entered their tutor to freeze. "YUMI?" Matt screamed pointing.

"I'm an assistant teacher." Yumi grinned lying on the table holding the book so she could read it. It was about quantum physics. And it was upside down. And French.

"YAY! YUMI IS HERE!" Matt cheered sitting down. Jason sat down lost about why Matt was happy.

"Okay. I'm meant to be doing the birds and the bees, but since you're all teenagers you all know it. So mess around now, next lesson's next door about family life." Yumi turned a page humming.

"...Are you reading that?" Jason asked at last.

"Course, why else would I have it? I'm practicing my reading upside down."

"...it's French..."

"I can speak French!" Yumi was insulted. "Stupid corner! Now!"

"I'm on the stupid corner of the table." Jason argued.

"...ok." Yumi went back to reading upside down.

"That was easy." Matt commented leaning on the table. "Now Mario will be able to easily save princess Peach using the power of the French."

"That wasn't goblin related."

"But Mario's the goblin leader... Gor quit..." Matt looked ready to cry at the loss of his fallen comrade.

"I stand corrected." How Matt even knew who Mario was was a mystery.

"Ma'am, aren't you meant to be teaching us something?" One of the kids asked after ten minutes when the pencil war got boring. It wasn't as much fun when the teacher didn't care.

"What do you want to learn about? Teenage pregnancy or how to use a condom?" Yumi turned the page calmly. The kid paled at both options. "Thought so."

"We can watch porn!" one of the boys yelled.

"Lesbian, gay or straight?" Yumi smirked at him as his mouth opened stupidly. "You are aware of the options right?"

"Uh... you aren't going to send me out?"

"Why? Want me to?" Yumi sat up slowly. "It's a natural thing and some countries let you get married at eleven so why not?" Jason slumped.

"So irresponsible."

"Next class starts in an hour so who want to go out for coffee? You're buying but beats the class." Everyone began talking excitedly. "Thought so."

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Near took one look at who entered at glared. "Enjoying the cafe?" Yumi giggled sitting down. Matt glomped Near cheering before Near could lunge at her.

"Matt? Are you skipping?" Mello snapped walking out of the kitchen wielding a ladle with one hand and removing the white bandana from his hair with the other. "Damn it Jason you were meant to keep an eye on him!"

"They wanted coffee." Yumi shrugged.

"...YOU'RE A FUCKING TEACHER?" Near burst out screaming.

"Yup. I have a teaching licence. Why do you think I told you to watch the cafe?" Yumi shrugged.

"You said you had a hangover..." Near managed.

"You believed me? It was gone within two days." Yumi chuckled loudly. "I'll have a mocha cappuccino with cream."

"Vodka?" One of the kids asked glancing at Mello.

"ID?" Mello answered raising an eye brow. The kid frowned, obviously hoping Mello was as laid back as Yumi. "MATT STAY OUT OF THERE!" Mello screamed running into the kitchen as Matt messed with the cooker. Jason put his head on the table groaning.

"... Jason, do you know these people?"

"I live with them..."

"...You can cook?" Mello managed as he looked at the meal Matt presented proudly. "You can COOK? But you can barely walk without stealing something as a goblin artefact!"

"Where?" Matt began rummaging through drawers happily trying to find the artefact Mello spoke off.

"..." Mello took a bit of the food coldly. "It's good."

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**9shadowcat9 – Happy? Please review! :D**


	8. Chapter 8

Mello finally kicked out the students when he saw Jason's timetable and realised they were late for their next class and one of the boys tried to order whisky. "I don't care what age you can drink at home!" Mello yelled chasing him out with a broom as the boy argued. "18 in England you punk!" Jason chuckled as Near cornered Yumi and told her plainly she was fired.

"Fired? I RUN THIS PLACE!" Yumi screamed slapping Near furiously. Near held up the piece of paper coldly stating that he was running the cafe. She paled.

"You gave it to me." Near said smugly, finally smirking. Yumi snarled and stormed out. Matt edged next to the whitette slowly.

"...You are an idiot..." Matt muttered in a low voice before following the class. Near stared after him in shock wide eyed.

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"Ok... family life..." The teacher started slowly.

"Dibs!" Matt cheered throwing his fist in the air clenched tightly around Jason's arm.

"On _what?__"_ Jason yelped in pain as he felt the feeling similar to his arm being ripped out of it's socket.

"On you silly!" Matt poked Jason's nose grinning cutely. "Or do you want to work with someone else?" He asked his eyes narrowing coldly. Jason shivered at the glare similar to the Arctic but without the snow.

"You. You're the best choice." Matt let out a singsong whistle of appreciation of Jason's (terrified, forced) compliment. Jason just shrunk at the chuckles from his classmates. They all watched silently as Matt forced a boy out of his chair to sit next to the blonde who shrank further.

"You two done?" The teacher raised his eyebrow at the two.

"I'm done." Jason said meekly.

"But... but... but... Jason..." Matt stammered pointing sadly. Jason ignored the comments in exchange for watching the teacher who obviously had no clue how to act to the class who were high on coffee. He actually had no idea in general since he was a single otaku who spent his afternoon wrapped in a blanket watching repeats of bleach and Naruto waiting for that one episode he hadn't seen. Why he was chosen he didn't know but then again he was told this was a easy job with a pay rise. Now he knew why he was being paid double.

"Um... should I answer questions?" He was replied with a pencil being thrown at his head.

"ATTACK!" Matt yelled pointing before throwing a board marker. The rest of the class obeyed gleefully, throwing weapons until someone realised he was edging to the door covered in pen marks. Then the class found the duct tape and taped him to a computer chair.

"...That's industrial strength tape..." Jason pointed out as Matt gagged him with it.

"I must go recruit. Wish me luck." Matt swooned dramatically ducking out of the room and leaving the class in confusion.

"...THROW MORE PENS!" One person screamed. Thus the (one sided) war continued.

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"Dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun Can't touch this." BB rapped edging into Raito's room with a bucket of blood. He hummed lightly as he poured the blood onto the bed and added the corpse of a fox. Then he looked around the purple room surrounded by bookshelves. Two hours latter all the books were removed and very safely hidden where only BB could find them, the furnace.

BB moved out of Raito's room and walked into Matsuda who raised an eye brow slowly. BB walked past grumbling at Matsuda ruining his fun, now anything he did would get to either Kira or L. He couldn't tell which one was worse honestly. Then BB gasped in joy making Matsuda tense. "Matsuda..." BB sang. Matsuda ran screaming. BB gave chase giggling in a way that made Matsuda realise he was going to die. Slowly. Painfully.

BB was just thinking what was for dinner that night and was chasing out of habit.

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Matt looked at the class he'd taken over, well actually the teacher was a sub who didn't know his reputation and let him take over for five minutes. The six and seven year olds looked up at him in wide eyed innocence. Matt chuckled evilly pulling out official looking posters he'd done on a computer. He held up one of a stick man wearing a helmet (bucket) and smiled proudly. "You are now members of my army." He announced. One kid held up his hand.

"What's an army?"

"What you're in." The child took this answer without any questions to Matt's amusement. He instantly liked the kid and promoted him to crayon eater. The child instantly liked Matt. "Now we need to find this weapon of mass destruction. This." He held up a hand drawn picture that looked like... a line. Literally a line. The children neglected to ask WHAT it was instead agreeing to help him. Ten minutes after they left the sub returned with a big box of cookies and a tea for Matt.

"...Where'd they go...?" she barely put the stuff down before she ran out and straight into the headmistress.

"...You seriously left MATT of all people with impressionable children?" The now hot pink haired woman commented through a mouthful of biscuit. The sub nodded tearfully after hearing the horror stories. "...Don't worry, Matt isn't completely dangerous. The worst he'll do is rip apart a few rooms and stop when he finds a random item he likes." At her words the sub cheered up immensely.

Then the door slammed open and the cook ran in panting. "THAT DEMON RED HEAD AND HIS FOLLOWERS ARE IN _**MY**_ KITCHEN!" He screamed furiously, his red cheeks puffing out. The sub paused staring.

"Followers?" She whispered.

"YOU! GET. THEM. OUT."

"But... he was such a polite boy..." The sub whispered quieter. The headmistress broke down laughing.

"You're new, aren't you? Matt's a goblin. Literally. He's not fully here." She chuckled. "He's got quite a following."

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**9shadowcat9; short but I don't care. :) How's everyone? Sorry about the iffy updating times, I thought I'd give my excuses. I mean reasons. ^^' ...Course work sucks and so does job hunting. TT_TT I NEED A JOB!**


	9. Chapter 9

Matt watched his little (adorable) army go through the broom closet of the kitchen in pride. He sniffed loudly, wiping a tear as they rummaged through it loudly chattering. Then he snarled as someone threw a bag of flour at him. They all froze as he snarled, the almost always cheery red head now a whitette covered in four on his top half. The snarling got louder when one of the braver kids threw more to even out the image.

"Stop or I _will_ kill you." Matt snarled loudly. The kids froze realizing the truth in his words. The red head smiled widely. "Great! Now let's see what we've found." One child presented a sieve. "Nope, that was made by the human oppressors." Matt dismissed. Another held up a pan. Matt put it on his head as a helmet. "Next." The runt of the group held up a broom and Matt smirked wider. "EURIKA!" Matt screamed making them all jump. "I GOT IT!" Matt twirled the broom like a baton skillfully as the children back away slowly, finally realizing that their leader wasn't… the sanest in the world. "Now who wants cookies? I found the ingredients over there." The children forgot their fear in the light of cookies.

After all, someone who knew how to make cookies couldn't be _completely_ dangerous.

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Ten minutes later the headmistress, the sub and the chef sprinted in to freeze at the sight of Matt, covered in flour, chocolate sauce and something pale blue doing a war dance in front of the kids as something cooked in the oven. They all stared at the sight. "WHAT DID HE DO TO MY POOR KITCHEN?" The chef screamed seeing his once clean room trashed beyond repair.

"Looks like he trashed it." The headmistress commented. "Hey Matt! What'cha cooking?"

"Cookies!" Matt twirled over and grabbed her hands, pulling her into a fast paced dance that was a mix between the cotton eyed Joe dance and river dance. She joined in laughing at the stares of the chef.

"OH MY GOD YOU'RE ALIVE!" The sub sobbed hugging one of the children. "I THOUGHT THAT CRAZY RED HEAD HAD **KILLED**YOU!" She wailed.

"But he's our leader…."

"HE'S YOUR _**WHAT?**_" She screeched.

"Shhh… You were told to keep quiet…" One of the girls hissed. The sub fainted, something white floating out her mouth. "Look! A spirit!"

"CATCH IT!" The children chased what they didn't realize was a flour cloud as Matt grinned at the headmistress.

"Matt." They stopped dancing and Matt pouted. "I'd love to dance but I'm in a very annoying skirt and heels. Instead, show me what you found." She eased gently. Matt grinned wider and scrabbled to get the broom. He twirled it again to show off. "Very nice, come to my office so you can tell me about its power." She chuckled darkly leading him to the door leaving the chef freaking out and the sub passed out of the floor.

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"Yes Matsuda, I _would_ like you to come in. He ruined the kitchen and kidnapped _six_ year olds." She snapped over the phone as Matt amused himself finger painting. "Matsuda, I will say this clearly. Come in today within the hour or the asylum down the road gets a call." She held the phone away from her ear. "He hung up. How rude."

"Matsuda does that." Matt shrugged doing lines on his cheeks happily when he was out of room on the paper. She looked at him blankly. "Matsuda was my doctor at the asylum." Matt beamed, showing his teeth as he smiled brightly. He missed the gasp.

"Matt… Tell me about the hospital."

"Asylum." Matt corrected childishly. "Matsuda greeted me, he greets everyone. It's why Mello kidnaps everyone on their first day. Matsuda found me crying in a corner because I wanted my sister. She's a fairy princess you know! And then Mello befriended me as I began to realize the goblins and the orcs were at war. Then BB set himself on fire after A committed suicide and was taken away!"

"Matt… are you saying you got _worse_ in the hospital?" She whispered.

"No, better! It removed the blinds from my eyes and made me see the truth! That the goblins needed me in their army. Before I just helped them every now and then. Like burning down their base!" Now that he mentioned it, she had read a story somewhere about a child burning down HMV claiming it was the hive of the orcs…

"It was you that burned down HMV!"

"That's what Roger said." Matt agreed bobbing his head up and down nodding. She stared wide eyed picking up the phone without thinking.

"Can I have whoever runs the building?" She asked after a few minutes. "I need to send someone over for a psychological investigation." Luckily she knew the owner.

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"GET BACK HERE YOU FUCKING SON OF A-!" Raito screamed chasing BB who was fleeing for his life, literally.

"IT WASN'T ME!"

"WHO ELSE IS DEMENTED ENOUGH TO PUT ROAD KILL IN MY BED AND STEAL MY BOOKS?" Raito dodged the book BB threw at him, relieved BB didn't have his saucepan. "EXACTLY!" He added loudly to the silence. BB pouted turning a corner and ran into Matsuda who was running in the opposite direction pulling on his coat and trousers at the same time with toast in his mouth. Odd to do at one pm…

"S'ry." Matsuda said through the toast buckling his belt and running down the stairs, after managing only one arm.

"…Think it's to do with Matt?" BB asked Raito.

"…DIE!"

"GOD DAMN IT!" BB ran faster then before, realizing in his distraction Raito had pulled out a knife.

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"And you're sure he needs a test?" the doctor repeated as the headmistress looked at him pointedly.

"He kidnapped children while thinking he's a goblin."

"…right… may I talk to him in private?" She left willingly. "Kid, you got apples?" The man had spiky hair with a heart dangling from his right ear. Matt thought he looked cool, definite recruit material. Now he needed to find Jason… "Kid. Kkkkkiiiiiiiiiiiiidddd…" He poked Matt happily. "the name's Ryuk, give me apples and I'll say you're sane. Just a few. I _need_ them!" Ryuk jumped so he was on his hands and curled his body.

"Light owns an apple orchard." Matt offered. Kira had bought it out of boredom with Light's money. Ryuk started to drool. I can talk him into giving you half." Matt and Ryuk shook hands and Ryuk walked on his hands to the door before getting onto his feet huffing. He looked so different from a normal doctor with his black trench coat.

"Well?" she asked.

"Perfectly sane, but I'll need to visit his house to check his environment. Goodbye." He shoved past the gaping woman and walked out humming the 'I want apples' song. He looked at the Japanese man that ran past him panting and laughed. Wonder if the man knew his coat was inside out.

Matsuda skidded into the office panting and was tripped over by Matt with his broom. Matt huffed waving it around in boredom. He missed the doctor. The headmistress was to busy banging her head against a wall to look up. "The doctor will be visiting you in two days." She managed. "Get out." She pointed tiredly. She was sick of Matt. "Take Jason with you." She added. Matt whooped loudly.

As soon as they left she groaned tiredly. "I hate my job…"


	10. Chapter 10

"Hi!" Mello yelled happily as Matt and Jason were escorted in by Matsuda. Mello noticed the long face of Matsuda and groaned loudly. "What happened this time?" He snapped as Light walked in twirling a knife in one hand. "Put down the knife Kira!"

**Fuck ****you ,**** you**** brat!**_I__ think __he__'__s __worried__ about__ the__ incident__ with__ Raito._My books..,My poor defenceless books...TT_TT**Uh...**** I****'****ll**** yell**** at**** BB**** for**** you...** Kira patted Raito's shoulder awkwardly. _Omg__ you __can __be __nice.__Oo__' _Kira glared lightly. _...can__ we__ call__ a __truce?__ I__'__m __getting __tired __of __the __war __in __my __head._** Nah, ****it****'****s ****impossible ****and ****annoying**** you ****is ****too ****amusing.**_... damn__it. _I spent so long collecting those books and now my room smells of decomposing corpses... **I ****take ****it ****telling ****you ****he ****could ****do ****worse ****isn****'****t ****going ****to ****help ****much. **My poor poor books... **Yeah... ****not ****going**** to ****help ****at ****all...**

"I'm Light." Light sighed. "BB stole Raito's books."

"Speaking of which, you know your apple orchard?" Matt broke in skipping forward. "Can I borrow all the apples? If you don't I'm being sent away."

"WHAT?" Mello and Kira screamed. "LIKE HELL YOU ARE!" Mello continued his hair flaring out like a halo as he began pacing. "Wait till I get my hands on whoever reported you... I'll rip off their limbs..."

"Please..." Matt begged.

"Sure, I don't eat 'em." Kira shrugged. "Now about this doctor, who do I need to threaten?"

"Threatening the person will not help Matt." Everyone jumped as L looked out of a door nervously.

"Where were you?" Matsuda gasped.

"I had a case in LA; three people were murdered with no suspects or leads." L started. BB, who'd just entered, began to whistle innocently. "And yes BB, I know it was you. I just can't be bothered telling the police." L added blandly. BB pouted but L held no sympathy. Light sighed, why had he been worrying to the point of panic about L again? **I**** dunno, ****why ****am ****I**** dating ****a**** psychopath? **_Cause __you __love __him. _**Oh ****yeah! ****:D **_You__idiot..._

BB noticed Kira's glare and pouted in an attempt to look cute and harmless. This effect was slightly ruined by his slightly bloodstained shirt. L snorted lightly then flinched when BB glared at him.

"I'm your twin and you doubt me?" BB whined loudly. L rolled his eyes.

"Ok, seriously. One person says one thing and the other says another! What nationality are you?" Light snapped.

"Half Japanese half English." L said with a small smile. BB frowned before shrugging happily. "BB likes lying to people for some reason about our nationality."

"K."

"Apples! Apples!" Matt chanted bouncing.

"Fine, fine. Now where'd I put that key?" Light sighed stalking off rubbing his temple.

"YAY!" Matt began jumping around happily as the others stared. Near looked out of the library at Matt glaring, waving a duster in fury.

"SHUT UP! I HAVE ENOUGH ISSUES GETTING RID OF THESE ASH COVERED BOOKS!"

"ASH!" Raito screamed running in.

"Oh yeah, that's where I put them..." BB muttered thoughtfully. He'd forgotten he'd removed them after five minutes.

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Mello wandered the cafe tiredly, he was meant to be on break and BB had manipulated him into serving food instead while Matt took over the kitchen due to it being Saturday. Inside it something akin to flour exploded followed by mad laughter. Mello sighed, blowing a strand of hair out of his face. He was too tired to care about his appearance, his arms felt like lead and his legs like jelly. He sat down and let his head hit the table.

"Oi!" Mello looked up bleary eyed. "Bitch!" Mello turned and glared at the men in suits weakly. "Come take our orders!"

"Whatever..." Mello hauled himself off the table and walked over, eyes narrowed as he pulled out a notebook. "What'd ya want?" They began ordering food and Mello jotted down the orders calmly. It was only when he turned and someone grabbed his ass that he began to become annoyed. He snorted in disgust, holding back the fury in his chest. This was normal treatment when he was serving, it didn't help he was the hottest person working there.

"MELLS!" Matt cheered in joy flipping an egg in welcome. Mello read out the orders and sat on the floor. Thanks to Near's OCD the hygiene rating on the building had skyrocketed to near max. The person who'd rated them was still traumatised by Near's determination to find why'd they'd lost points. "okie dokie!" Matt hummed beginning to pull out the ingredients.

Half an hour later Mello walked out balancing the cooked food and began to place it on the mens table... until one of them grabbed him arm and pulled him onto his lap. Mello sat there blinking quickly, trying to understand what'd happened just then. "You're late, I think you owe us." The man smirked coldly. Mello ground his teeth. Not worth losing his job... not worth losing his job... the man's hand moved to tough him and Mello snapped.

"Your..." Mello turned. "Breath..." He pulled back his fist. "STINKS!" Mello screeched punching him. "YOU MESSED UP MY HAIR YOU BASTARD!" Mello screeched seeing himself in a mirror and beginning to kick in a wild fury. The man didn't answer due to being unconscious.

"That kid killed the boss!" One man yelled. Mello froze in mid kick.

"Huh?" He said.

"Mells! You met the local mafia!" Matt cheered looking out the door. "Hi guys!"

"Hi goblin." They greeted staring at Mello.

"HUH?"

"GET HIM!" Mello barely blinked before they grabbed him and hauled him out, his body limp in confusion and shock. Mello was barely aware of being thrown into a car and driven away. Two hours later Near walked in looking around.

"Where's Mello?"

"Went out with friends." Matt hummed cleaning dishes.

"...He's so fired..." Near sighed.

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Mello groaned sitting up, slightly aware of the headache from being dropped down a flight of stairs by accident. The rest of his body hurt more than the migraine. "The kids alive!" One person yelled in the distance. Mello opened his eyes weakly and was greeted with a glass being shoved next to his mouth. He drank and spat out what he then realised was vodka.

"You don't give someone with a concussion fucking vodka." Mello spat out. "water." There was a shuffling and to his shock he was presented with water. "...chocolate?" A expensive brand was handed to him. "...You guys are either really crap kidnappers or you have an ulterior motive." Mello muttered drinking the water.

"You beat the boss!" one said.

"and?" Mello glared harsher then ever before and the man shivered in fear.

"That makes you the boss!" Mello literally spat out the water he was drinking.

"WHAT?" He screeched.

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**9shadowcat9; Well, who saw that coming? ^^ Also, I did a one shot called A death is a tragedy. It's based on Light's thoughts when writing in the death note. Basically, can someone PLEASE read and review it? Just two or three? I'm seriously depressed no one's reviewed it yet. :(**


	11. Chapter 11

Matsuda looked over the perfectly set table, then at Matt who was humming now polishing a vase. Jason sat on the floor doing his homework sometimes looking up to make sure Matt didn't need any help before returning. Matt's humming steadily got louder as the minutes ticked by. "Mello's late." Matsuda sighed at last.

"Oh, Mello went out with friends!" Matt said pausing the circling moments on the vase before restarting, this time in the opposite direction. L nodded, Matt had told him this earlier when L enquired about his whereabouts. Matsuda sighed.

"I wish you would tell me these things. Now I've cooked too much." He looked at the kitchen were a roast sat forlornly. Matsuda wanted things to look good for the doctor. Plus the kitchen was completely overflowing with apples, apparently the doctor liked them.

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Mello cursed his luck AGAIN as the so called mafia loafed around drinking and smoking. They were making sure he didn't leave because since he supposedly had a concussion he shouldn't be left alone. Damn it. Now how was he going to escape? "Can I use your phone?" Mello asked at last. They all looked at him before offering their mobile phones. "...Thanks..." Mello took the nearest one and paused. "What was my home number again?" Mello sighed to himself. He gave it back and sat back groaning in annoyance. He couldn't contact Matsuda without a number. Not that Matsuda was much help anyway. Mello bit his lip ignoring the people trying to talk to him. He could run maybe... He looked at the guarded door and sighed louder. Perhaps trip the fire alarm? Mello's eyes narrowed at a thought, if he was the supposed leader WHY WAS HE BEING HELD CAPTIVE?

"Can I go home?" He asked an hour later, holding an icepack almost lovingly to his head. The migraine had attacked full force.

"But you're sick!" One of them argued.

"No... I got the headache wondering how the hell I got in this position." Mello muttered giving up on being able to leave with permission. "Can I at least walk around?"

"Of course!"

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Mello kicked the idiot into the closet ten minutes later and locked it. Seriously, who asked to see a closet? Mello rolled his eyes and looked around furiously. He had to get out. Mello moved the ice pack further up his scalp and groaned.

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"APLES!" Ryuk screamed jumping on a basket full of them and cuddling it. Matt giggled leaning over to take one. "Touch and I label you criminally insane." Ryuk added in a cold voice. "I'll add you in my death note."

"Your what?" Near questioned.

"The death note! It's a list of people I'll kill for touching my babies!" Ryuk cooed the last word rubbing an apple against his cheek.

"...sure... Are you hungry?" Matsuda offered.

"AM I?" Ryuk cheered shoving an entire apple in his mouth.

"...we have a roast out there..."

"What's a roast?"

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"WHY DIDN'T I LISTEN TO MY MOM AND BECOME A PRIEST?" Mello screamed kicking another dead end. The door had lead to a movie room. "LET ME GO HOME!"

"I think I heard him!" Someone yelled.

"...fuck..." Mello cursed as one of the weirdo's ran around the corner. "Can't I just go home...?" Mello whined.

"But... you're our boss..."

"I don't care! Let me go home!" Mello stomped his foot childishly. "I want to see my family!"

"Oh, why didn't you _say_so?" The man asked happily throwing Mello for ANOTHER loop.

"Hah?"

"Of course you can go home for THAT. We all have families! I have a wife and three children." The man pulled out a photo and held it dangerously close to Mello's face in a fashion that reminded him of the Maes Hughes' guy from Fullmetal alchemist. "Aren't they the cutest things EVER?" the man squealed.

"...yeah... what's their names?" Mello tried to be nice to the... odd... man. He looked at Mello teary eyed.

"You care?" He gasped. He grabbed Mello in a bear hug. "NEVER LEAVE US!" He wailed.

"..." Mello realised he'd made his life allot harder in the long run.

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"But it's not apple!" Ryuk wailed as Matsuda tried to make him eat the food three hours later after he RECOOKED the entire roast at Ryuk and BB's insistence.

"You can't live on apple!" He insisted, recalling faintly his mountain of missed work.

"I can!"

"You're a STICK!"

"I don't care!" Ryuk cried as the doorbell rang. Matsuda jumped up eager for the freedom and ran to the door throwing it open. Mello stormed past followed by a VERY large VERY muscular man talking about his three children, one of whom was in a boarding school. Mello snarled to himself and walked into the dining room.

"What's thi... Ohhhh is this roast?" The man started talking about his mom's roast as Mello sat down and began eating furiously.

"Shut up and eat or leave!" Mello yelled after a minute of talk on roast potato.

"YOU DO CARE!" the man hugged Mello who twitched harder.

**...What****are****the****odds****that****man****'****s****from****an****organised****crime****syndicate****here****to****make****sure****Mello****doesn****'****t****run****away?** Kira asked. The three voices were silent. _**Naaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhh**_ they all dismissed, unaware they were right. Mello just ate quietly next to the man who made him look like a dwarf.

After the meal and learning the mafia man's name was Bubbles they all bid goodbye with Ryuk declaring anyone with that amount of apples had to be sane but due to procedure Matt had to come to the hospital and meet another doctor named Rem for confirmation. Bubbles stayed at Mello's side while Mello banged his head against the wall cursing every deity he knew. Afterwards bubbles fussed over Mello's head wound making Mello sit on the sofa so he could treat the rising bump on Mello's head.

"Bubbles really cares for Mello." L commented lightly as Bubbles worked. Mello slumped in defeat; obviously he'd get no help HERE.

"Mello's our new boss, it's my job." Bubbles responded. "Done!"

"Can you leave my house now?" Mello grumbled pathetically, eager for Bubbles to leave.

"I'll pick you up tomorrow at seven!" Bubbles said cheerily leaving. As soon as he left Mello picked up a pillow and screamed into it.

"SOMEONE KILL ME!" L thought the scream sounded like. L wondered if there was any way to cheer him up and beamed.

"Cake?" L offered.

Mello screamed louder.

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**9shadowcat9; Quickly written without much thought. Hope you enjoyed my mindless ramblings that are stopping me doing coursework. I BLAME YOU ALL! TT_TT**


	12. Please don't kill me TT TT

**9shadowcat9; I hate writers block. - -' I am so sorry for the (long, Long, LONG) wait.**

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Light sat in his room turning the mirror L had given him while they were in the hospital in boredom. **I wish BB would give me stuff...**_ I wish my boyfriend would leave his room. We all have problems Kira._ I'm single and happy. o^^o **Lucky for some...** Light looked at the clock that read 7 am. **Bubbles should come soon.** Something crashed outside and they looked out to see Matsuda legging it out the gate with a bag. _Matsuda escaped again._I won the bet with Near! :D** I'm surprised he stayed this long myself.** Is Mello up yet? They listened and heard nothing. _Nope. _**Well, he's in trouble. There's Bubbles now.**_ I'll wake him up…_ Light sighed getting out of bed. He blinked hearing Mello start screaming at something.

"But the awesome Bubbles is here!" Matt said outside their door as he ran past away from Mello's fury.

**Well, that's sorted.** Mello stormed in and looked out their window, his normally perfect blonde hair ruined with knots from sleeping. Pft… Raito hid his laughter as he rolled around Light's mind clutching his ribs. Kira wasn't even hiding his amusement at Mello's appearance. "Damn it." Mello cursed. "Kira, can't you get _rid _of him?"

"I could… but L made me promise to stop killing." Kira shrugged smirking._ But you DON'T listen to L!_** He doesn't know that. :3 **True, true. Light screamed in anger at being turned on by his own mind.

"You think you have issues? THE MAFIA WANTS ME AS THEIR LEADER!" Mello screeched as Light muttered about his own problems instead of Mello's. Light had the decency to look sheepish at Mello's fury. Someone rang the door bell. "GET RID OF HIM!"

"Can't, you need to get to your _job_." Kira said smirking evilly. Little brat insult him would he? _Uh… Why do I get the feeling I know what you're going to do?_** Cause you know me to well. **_True. Sorry Mello._

"I hate you." Mello snarled before throwing open the window. "STAY OUTSIDE!" Mello snapped loudly before slamming the window before a confused Bubbles' could reply. "I need to get changed." Mello stormed out again pulling off his top as he walked. Kira blinked rapidly as something crashed that sounded a lot like Mello chucking the vase down the stairs.

"…I'm going to bed." Kira sighed moving the mirror and putting it on the table. _Break it and die. _**I respect you and L enough not to break **_**this.**_

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Near looked around the café with a raised eye brow at Light who was tapping his foot cross legged. "BB is not cooking." He said slowly so Near got it.

"Why not?" Near couldn't figure out why, it saved money and BB was a decent cook.

"He wants to put road kill on the menu. _Road. Kill_." Light repeated patronizingly.

"And?"

"…Do I need to bring up health and safety laws or the amount of germs on said road kill?" Near paused to think.

"You cook." Near shrugged not caring. Light snatched the book Near had been planning on reading coldly.

"I'll cook, but you need to do some work." Light snapped walking into the kitchen and kicking out BB who'd covered himself in flour and scarily resembled Near. "…I need a new job, perhaps I'll join the police…" Light sighed to himself pulling out food. **Ohhh… I can do my killings in the guise of a policeman! :D **_…No. I need a new job in general._ That Raye guy works in the American FBI, perhaps you can talk to him about joining them? _I'd be better joining the NPA, or L's team which he STILL hasn't introduced me to. - -'_ **Jobs suck.**_ Hell yeah._

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"Ok, now we are in the expo." The sociology teacher started, the kids were distracted by the cat ears and cat tail she was wearing. Matt had made his own outfit that was so odd no one could think of a decent way to describe it, it was the goblin warrior armor as Matt called it. "Remember, meet here at six o'clock and if you see a free hug sign, hug them. Any questions?" One girl obviously scared by the man in the sailor moon outfit walking past raised her hand. "No, good. Bye! OH MY GOD IS THAT A GAARA?" She screamed suddenly pulling out her camera and running off. The students looked at each other nervously until a blonde haired boy in a orange jumpsuit appeared and took a photo of Matt.

"I love your outfit!" He said happily. Matt beamed.

"I'm recruiting for the goblin army." Matt started his sales pitch.

"Does it have cookies?" The blonde said dead serious.

"…yes…?"

"I'm in! I'll get my friends to join to!" The boy pulled out a pen and scribbled a name on his arm.

"Add me on facebook!" He yelled running off to talk to a pink haired girl.

"…I LOVE THIS PLACE!" Matt cheered throwing his arms in the air.

"Yeah yeah…" Jason muttered wondering how he'd been forced into a skort and crop top with a long black haired wig similar to a palm tree. Matt jumped on a table happily.

"NOW RECRUITING FOR THE GOBLIN ARMY!" Matt screamed.

"Why should _we_, the butt scratcher army, join _you?_" One person yelled loudly. Jason missed the camera crew from the news scurry over as he sighed.

"Because the goblin army has cookies! And all you really need to do is sit around and look threatening." Matt added to himself with a shrug.

"That's too much effort! BUTT SCRATCHERS!"

"…CAT!" Matt cheered jumping down and running to a plushie store leaving a now confused army. Jason just followed him wearily, knowing it wasn't worth leaving him alone. It'd bite him later. The class split up wearily, most looking lost.

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"Mihael Keehl!" Mello literally dropped the chocolate bar he was eating and turned white as he looked at the front door of the base away from his pile of paperwork. Any image of a badass mafia had been killed at the introduction and the explanation of paperwork _breeding_. Within two days, he'd apologized to Bubbles for laughing at the explanation when, in fact, this was proven correct.

Even more scary then the paperwork was the woman walking through the room towards him glaring, his mother. "Who're you?" One of the men yelled pulling out a gun.

"_His_ Mother." She seemed to tower over the suddenly cowering mafia member, eyes ablaze with the fury of hell alight in them. "And I guarantee you, if you even think of kicking me out I'll show you _exactly_ where he got his temper." The mafia member 'epped' loudly and Mello stealthily crawled under his table hoping not to be seen. This, sadly, did not work when his mother knelt down, grabbed him by the collar of his t-shirt and sharply pulled him out, forcing him to stand at attention and look her in the eye. "I go to the hospital to see you and _what_ do I get told? You were released." She looked Mello directly in the eyes. "Explain."

"…Wammy got sick of BB and Kira so we were all kicked out." Mello said quickly, flinching when he finished.

"And you never thought of telling us? Do you know how worried we were?" She nearly shrieked. Mello flinched again, and this time backed away a few steps. She didn't bother stopping the blonde. "Gone! Up and left! I had to force Roger to give me your damn address and then I had that creepy black haired person lock me in a closet until I told him who I was!"

"Did he have red eyes?" Mello couldn't resist.

"Yes!"

"That was BB."

"I don't care! All I care about is you're coming home to Russia! Tonight!"

The mafia fell silent as Mello stared at her in horror, freezing his struggles.


	13. Chapter 13

Mello wasn't sure what had happened. One moment he was looking in his mothers furious eyes, accusing and burning him and then he was falling. Russia. He was being taken away. He'd never see Near again. Hell, he'd never date another man again unless he left. Mello whimpered without realising he was doing so. Then he heard a loud click as one of the men in the... his group pointed a gun at her head, glaring.

Mello realised in the back of his mind that Bubbles normally wasn't normally this scary... huh.

"Try and take him bitch, you won't get him out of this building if he just says the word." He watched his mother's face contort in anger and disgust.

"He's my son!"

"He's our leader!" Someone yelled to the side.

"And he's Russian! We're finally a proper mafia!" Another yelled.

"Sh! Mello doesn't need to know that bit!" Someone else hissed at the previous person. Bubbles looked at them in annoyance and mild disgust.

"Hello...? Psycho bitch kidnapping our leader here...?" They all quickly jumped back into action as Mello began to wonder if he was safer just going with his mother. She glared at him and Mello quickly re-evaluated. He was screwed.

"Now, release our leader." One of the mafia spat out.

"Not on your life." His mother refused.

"...Is anyone even going to ask what I want?" Mello asked. They all glared at him for having the sheer _audacity_ to speak. "...sorry..." They all went back to arguing as Mello sat on the floor cross legged, arm hanging in the air as his Mother tightened her grip on his wrist. Well, this was going well.

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Matt was watching the mini war rage at the expo wide eyed, ramune in one hand and a plushie in the other. He hugged it tightly. Jason was also sitting next to him, the scrawny blonde silent. "...So, what do we do now?" Jason asked at last.

"Cookie hunting?" Matt jumped up and dragged off Jason before he could ask what he was on about.

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Light watched the food he was cooking carefully and sighed sitting at the table. "Near!" Light yelled.

"What? Did you something spill?" Near sounded almost panicked at that idea.

"I'm bored." In the other room the tray cracked from Near's grip tightening in anger.

"What do you want me to do about it?"

"...I just spilled the vegetable oil." Near ran in, in a panic and froze seeing a clean floor. And Light watching with a bored smile. "Got ya." Kira smiled brightly. _Kira!_** I'm bored... Raito, go smash that vase!** But it's an antique... **A what? **An anti... ... ... It's old and costs allot. _But... it's in my head._ ...point. Raito smashed the vase. OW!_ What? _I got vase pieces stuck in my foot! TT^TT _Good! _Mean...** Light! Stop bullying Raito! **_Hypocrite. _**And proud! d^^b**

Near gave up glaring and just stalked back into the cafe as Mello walked in, sat at a table and let out a small sob. Near immediately sat with him, running a hand through Mello's perfect hair absentmindedly as the blonde slowly raised a hand and grasped it tightly. "Don't leave me?" Mello requested quietly.

"Never." Near held the hand next to his cheek so Mello knew, no matter what Near would stand beside him. The blonde just cried silently after his small plea was answered. Near stayed silent to Mello's relief. They merely sat at the table, wallowing in the grief that seemed contagious.

"...I might be being sent back to Russia..." Near's world collapsed as Mello admitted what was upsetting him. Mello silently cried.

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That night was a solemn affair. Everyone was trying to cheer up Mello but not even the news his mom was on a plane to Russia cheered him up. L was the reason for this. "Russia needs a new president. I have arranged for you to start a political campaign to become the president of Russia." L said simply when Mello was shocked at L handing him a plan ticket to Russia in L's study. "Your parents have disowned you officially so you don't need their consent. I've spoken to the cabinet and they've removed the age limit of presidency."

"But... what political party would i join?"

"The Wammy party of course." L's smile was slightly teasing as Mello's jaw dropped. "Say the word and I can make it so you win within two years." Mello nodded numbly until L added sadly "Near can't come with you due to Russia's current stance on homosexuality. To fix that I'd recommend forcing a dictatorship." Mello paled. "If you don't abuse your power then nothing can go wrong. Get rid of the cabinet, you're smart enough to do it on your own."

So at dinner Mello made his announcement. "I'm returning to Russia."

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Matt was jumping around in front of the school happily, Jason escaping to the library with the excuse of revision. "Exams, exams!" Matt chanted. Light smiled at Matt's exctiment. **Who the hell gets excited about EXAMS?** Uh... I think they're fun...** No comment. **"The holy leader ordered me to do well so I'll use everything he's taught me to pass!" Matt added proudly, fire burning in his eyes. **...He's screwed. **_So going to fail._ Well, at least we don't need to worry about what will happen when Matt decides he needs to get a job. **Why?**He won't be able to get one. ^^ _True, true._ While this conversation had been happening Matt had ran into the building.

And while all of this had been happening Mello made his decision. He couldn't be selfish anymore, plus he liked the idea of being in power. And when he was leader, he could try to get Near to move to Russia.

He was going back.


	14. Chapter 14 Be afraid, an update!

Mello told Near his decision first. The small boy had hit his chest furiously in near tears, hysterically telling him he couldn't until he fell to his knees and cried into Mello's shirt. Mello had tried to hug him only to be shoved back roughly. "Damn you Mello!" Near finally cursed. "Damn you..." His shoulders shook as he sobbed and for a moment Mello wondered if he was doing the right thing. Yes he was... it wasn't permanent situation. And L knew best.

L always knew best.

That's what Mello told Near. "I'm only listening to L."

Near had slapped him, eyes furious. Mello quickly leant forward and caught Near's lips with his own and soon they were kissing, Near caught between pushing him away and pulling him closer. "I'm so sorry." Mello whispered, his lips next to Near's.

"You're always sorry." Near hissed suddenly, furious. He pulled away and stalked off. Mello didn't go after him.

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Matt jumped into the car, tie tied around his head and shirt ripped open. He'd used pens to write Norse symbols over his chest. Sowlio was there, as was algiz, jera, wunjo and isa. Victory, protection, success, joy and ice. Huh... Light translated the runes while ignoring Raito's yammering on about their meaning and Kira wondering if the pen was permanent. "Nice... runes..." Light managed.

"I'm going to talk to Thor later while going after Loki to save the Tesseract!" Matt said happily. Perhaps taking him to see the avengers was a bad idea... "Hi Matsuda!" Matsuda was handcuffed to the door and this time was slumped. Well, at least university was out for the term... Matsuda waved glumly before looking out the window again.

"So, how'd your exams go?" Light asked politely as he began to drive off quickly noticing a particularly angry mother staring at her son's hair in horror. He had runes shaved into his hair in a manner very similar to Matt's work. Yes, escape was good here.

"I'm going to pass because the goblin elder Nosil told me to!" Matt began in excitement. "They keep whispering the answers into my ears during exams!"

**Cheat. **_Kira, they're goblins. I don't think the examiners will fail him because the GOBLINS told him the answers._ I'm still trying to work out how he learned about runes._ Don't ask, you'll never know either way._ **True.** Thus the mystery of the runes was left unanswered, although Matt did try to convince Matsuda to let him draw a rune on his shirt. In the end Matt drew the Tiwaz, the rune for warriors, on his face and kauno the rune for fire on his shirt. Matsuda had to laugh when Matt tried to convince Matsuda to draw ansuz, the messenger rune, on his nose.

Matt explained that seeing the avengers had caused him to become curious in Norse mythology and thus runes when Matsuda asked about Matt's insistence in them.

"Goblin mythology gained Norse runes after that?" Light questioned. _What's the connection between Norse runes and Goblins? _**Matt finds them cool...** Matsuda drew the rune on his own nose cross eyed when Matsuda said he wouldn't draw it.

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Beyond stood as everyone sat down for dinner and said the first thing he could think of. "Mello and L are not leaving and Matsuda is moving in." Everyone glanced at him and Beyond giggled madly. "They're _ours_ and no one's stealing them." He grabbed Matsuda and nuzzled him in a manner almost loving but was completely possessive. Kira hissed over the table, stabbing the steak with his fork. "Don't worry Kira, I love you but I missed Matsui so much..." BB met Matsuda's eyes and Matsuda realised he was not getting away this time without severe repercussions. "We all missed you." BB cooed grinning showing red stained teeth from jam. Matsuda shuddered.

"I'm going with L to Russia so I can become president. If I follow L's plans I'll win election." Mello said between mouthfuls of food. BB chuckled loudly.

"Power hungry? I approve my protégé." BB quickly changed his tune at the chance of being related to power.

"Mello shouldn't be going." Near pouted, poking his food sullenly.

"It's his own choice." Beyond started wisely. **Hypocrite. **He's your boyfriend.

"So I can leave?" Matsuda started in hope.

"NEVER!" BB screeched in an inhuman voice, turning to glare at Matsuda with shining ruby eyes. "You will NEVER leave! You're a member of this family!" BB stabbed a knife in Matsuda's direction. "And you will remain, even if I have to handcuff you to a bed and keep you as a pet."

"...Point taken." Matsuda attacked his food in order to avoid looking up.

"Good. Now, Matt, how's the meeting with Thor going?"

"This is Thor." Matt pointed at a carrot sticking out of his potato, eyes shining in joy. Then he added a stick of celery. "And that's Loki. We're after the Tesseract." With that he grabbed the celery and ate it. "Yay! Saved the tesseract!"

"...that's great Matt." Light smiled tightly. "He is never going to the cinema again." He hissed to L.

"It was Matt's birthday and he wanted to see it." L hissed back inwardly agreeing with Light.

"We could have got him a poster instead."

"Matt wanted the cinema and would not have accepted otherwise. He's insane but not stupid." L insisted.

"He thinks _goblins and orcs_ are talking to him!"

"But he is not stupid." L repeated. Light gave up and retreated.

Raito smiled politely at Matsuda, straightening his back and becoming the symbol of politeness. "So, how are your studies going?"

"I passed, I'm on holiday now." Matsuda muttered into his tea. Raito frowned but nodded and struck up a conversation with L about his plans for Mello. Meanwhile Kira threw books across the mental landscape laughing whenever something broke in Light's head. Light just picked them up with a sigh and put them away in resignation.

"Raito..." Matt whined. "When do the results come out?"

"Next month." BB replied leaning over and stealing Matt's untouched steak. Matt let him.

"I'm sure you did great." Raito lied reassuringly. **Lying Raito? Naughty, naughty.** Kira laughed. _Well, we can't exactly tell him 'We think you're an idiot because you're madder then the mad hatter and have thus failed wasting your last year in education._ Light replied. Thank you Light. He's right Kira, we have to be supportive of Matt no matter what.** Sure...**

"Matt!" Kira cheered getting up and hugging the red head happily, grinning at BB over Matt's hair. BB fluttered his eye lashes and Kira nodded at the unspoken invitation. _No sex Kira! _**My boyfriend, my rules.**_ ...#sigh# -_-_ "Mattie, any stories about the runes on you?"

Matt pointed at the rune on his nose in pride. "I drew it!"

"...yes Matt, very nice." Kira groaned, he liked Matt too much to be cruel it seemed...

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Mello caught Near in his bed room a few days later. "L and I are leaving tomorrow." Mello commented sitting on Near's bed. Near looked at him coldly before sighing.

"Do you have to leave?" Near whispered sitting next to him. Mello wrapped an arm around Near's waist tightly.

"You know I do. I love you Near." Mello whispered leaning closer so his lips were touching Near's ear.

"And I love you, but I'm still annoyed." Near added coldly crossing his arms in an attempt to ignore the blonde. Mello pouted but Near looked the other way. Mello leant over and nuzzled his nose into the crook of Near's neck, smiling when Near leant into him. "This will not change things."

"I know."

"...I am going with Mello." Mello tensed as Near glared at him. "You are not going to leave me behind, I refuse to be abandoned a second time." Oh... Now Mello realised. The look in Near's eyes showed Mello exactly how much trouble he'd be in if he argued. Mello sighed and got up, he needed to tell L they needed another ticket it seemed.

When he told L though L just smiled and said he'd already ordered a third since he knew Near would refuse to let Mello leave on his own.

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On the plane Mello sat back with his book, Near leaning on him and L curled up in his seat smiling at something only he'd realised. "Mello told the mafia which flight he was getting." L finally said.

"Yeah, they wouldn't stop pestering me for it. Why?" L pointed and Mello turned in confusion.

"BOSS!" Half the mafia yelled happily noticing him. Mello rested his head on the chair in front of him with a loud groan of annoyance.

"Why me...?" Mello started. Near watched curiously as Bubbles leant over.

"Here's a picture of my family!" he started grinning. Mello just groaned louder.

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Matt looked at the envelope happily as Light opened it. "HOLY...!" Kira started in shock. BB leant over and whistled.

"A's in everything." BB announced. Matt's smile never changed as Kira opened and shut his mouth in a way resembling a fish. "Never knew you had it in you." BB admitted.

"The goblins told me everyone thought I'd fail." Matt announced watching everyone tense at his words.

"...Who wants cake?" Matsuda finally broke in. Everyone said 'yes' happy to avoid Matt's accusing gaze. The red head watched them coldly, his smile gone when no one denied his words.


	15. Chapter 15

"But you agreed...!" Matt whined loudly. And damn was Light regretted agreeing to take Matt to Alton Towers if Matt passed. It wasn't the idea of going... it was the idea of Matt in an area full of people that was so big if he lost him Matt would never be found again without help and Matt answering his phone. Which never happened. It was the 'ultimate form of evil' so Light didn't bother forcing Matt to carry it. "...Mello said he would go to."

"Mello has a press conference, we both know where he'd rather be." **Those things are hell.**_ How would you know? ¬¬ _**Uh... gotta go!** Kira ran. He visited the press conference for the mayor and advised him on what to say. Surprisingly the mayor's more popular now but Kira decided he hates thinking. _That doesn't explain anything._ It's Kira. _ That however, does. Now about this... _You promised Light. _Damn._

"We'll go next week."

"Tomorrow!" Matt insisted puffing out his cheeks.

"Next week. I need to get the tickets."

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Matt knows he thinks differently. He looks at Light and mentions the army and Light only pats him on his head smiling like Matt's a child. He knows people join the army for 'fun' not realising the seriousness of the situation. It makes him wish at times that everyone else was sane.

No. It makes him wish he couldn't see them.

If he couldn't see them no one would look at him weird. If he couldn't hear them people wouldn't avoid him. Sometimes he ignores them, ignores the looks and the prods, but everyone else becomes worried. Asks if he is ill because he avoids mentioning them.

No, you are he thinks.

But he doesn't say it. No one understands.

The days when he thinks about it he leans against a wall, pushing it hoping to break it. To break the wall between him and everyone else. Like the girl who claims to be his sister, the guards who claims to be his parents. Matt shook his head from the thoughts, he was normal. They were wrong. They didn't see the world around him.

But, a voice whispers coldly, why can't they see it if you're the sane one?

Because, he replies, if I'm not sane I'll break.

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Mello quickly learned he hated politics. He also hated L for dumping him in this situation. L had fucking SMILED when Mello tried to complain and had only pointed out it was Mello's choice. Mello had damn near strangled him. Then Bubbles and the rest of the mob had decided they were a Russian mafia slash body guard group and rarely left Mello's side. But they DID get Mello into a bar when he'd forgotten his ID so he supposed they had some use.

L had found so many loopholes in the Russian law it was almost hilarious. His mom hunting him down seeing him in a newspaper? Not so hilarious. He'd been hiding in his hotel room for days. And Near was insisting on cleaning the hotel room, he even stole cleaning supplies from the cleaners. Allot of the hotel guests thought he was a cleaner to Mello's unending amusement.

All in all, fun times.

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Raito helped set the table, watching Matsuda carry out the food. The almost perfect picture of a family, ruined by Matsuda's terrified glances at BB when he thought BB wasn't looking. BB sat at the head of the table and smiled sweetly at Matsuda making him whimper silently. Matt sat in his chair an open book balanced on his head.

"It's lonely." Matt said at last.

"It's not the same without them..." BB sighed remembering L's hunched form and Mello's frown when something he considered stupid happened. They all sat silently until BB jumped up. "We shall have fun and make them sorry for leaving!" His ruby eyes glistened dangerously eying everyone at the table making them all shrink back. **So... He's going to force me to have fun? Not cool BB, not cool.** _Chill out Kira, could be worse._ Yeah, you could be _single._ Raito sounded bitter. _This body has two boyfriends already, don't even THINK about a third!_ Yes Light... :'(** I say do it. :3 **Light's body, Light's choice. Kira snorted loudly in dismissal and went back to eating.

"...How are we meant to have fun?" Kira finally ground out.

"ALTON TOWERS!" Matt cheered loudly.

"Good idea Matt! Now, who here knows how to get there?" No one answered. "Entry?" No one answered. "Anyone?" BB sighed as Matt grinned widely. "This is going to be annoying..."

"...I decided I'm going to attend college!" Matt said after a few moments of silence.

He blinked in confusion when Kira choked on his drink laughing.

"A... What are you going to study?" Kira managed. _Please, PLEASE don't say Goblins..._ I'm more worried for the college then his classes. Raito crossed his arms and sat back in Light's mental common room. Light sighed tiredly. _Good point..._

"Game design." Matt shrugged. "I'm going to make a game based on the goblin revolution and then..." Matt continued talking in excitement as Kira and BB exchanged looks and Matsuda began making plans on how to warn the college of how to support Matt. "I might go to university afterwards."

"NO!" BB screeched stabbing the table. "You are NOT LEAVING! Look what I had to do to Matsuda!" BB suddenly cooed hugging the Japanese man tightly. "Would you have me do that to you?"

"You try it and the goblins will declare war on you!"

"You aren't leaving. End of." BB finished. He looked at Matsuda's plate. "You need to eat more." Matsuda sighed eating in resignation spearing the food on his fork and eating without commitment, manoeuvring his arm around BB's so the fork could actually reach his mouth. Kira snarled and Raito took over before blood was shed.

"I'm done." Raito picked up his plate and left quickly, leaving the room that felt empty and stifling without the rest of their group. _...I miss L..._ Light muttered. I miss Near, he held a good conversation. _Near's with my boyfriend._ At least you have a boyfriend. Light had no reply for Raito.

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**9shadowcat9; Sorry for the late updates, allots happening at home at the moment and college not only restarted but gave me three essays in one week. So, I AM going to finish this.**

**Also, I think I'm now addicted to the Avengers, I keep having an urge to write a fic where Loki kidnaps Tony Stark in an attempt to make a friend of his own. Who'd read it if I wrote it?**


	16. Chapter 16

They had all known Matt in a crowded amusement park was a bad idea. They'd made plans all week on what to do if he disappeared on them, they'd tried to make him understand the saying 'stranger danger', they'd even put a tracker on his wrist AND ankle. But despite all this...

Matt went past on the roller coaster happily having managed to somehow escape all the trackers, bodyguards and ticket kiosks at the front gate. BB was NOT amused as he pushed a pair of sunglasses up his nose with a huff. "MATT!" BB yelled when the rollercoaster came to a stop. Matt 'eep'ed knowing he was in trouble. "You went on Rita without me?! How could you?"

Light sighed already knowing that the day was not going to end well.

This idea was further cemented when BB shrugged and got on the rollercoaster with Matt instead of scolding him for _SNEAKING OFF_ and getting into the theme park without paying.

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Matt wanted cotton candy. Raito said _no_ trying to convince Matt of the dangers to his _teeth_ and BB was laughing from the side as Matt stole Raito's wallet in reply. Kira was watching from the side of his head humming. **He stole your wallet.**_ Kira, how are we meant to be get him mad if you're telling him everything? _**Oh yeah. **_Besides, we should be encouraging Matt. Perhaps a job in criminality? _I can hear you, you know. **Super criminal Matt, perhaps he'll start helping Mello run the mafia. XD** You're ignoring me._ I think he took over Russia actually. _**In a week? **_It's Mello we're talking about here._ Fine, ignore me. See if I care.

Raito groaned and ignored the headache forming. Matsuda looked around in awe, resembling a tourist with a park map in one hand, can of coke in the other and BB attached to his side so he didn't 'disappear' randomly. After all, it was so easy to get _lost_ in the crowd. Matsuda didn't even bother running.

Light got a bottle of water and was just drinking a bit of it when he saw a newspaper and in shock choked on it. '_Youngest Russian president in history!'_ Was the headline with a picture of a scowling Mello on the front, Near standing next to him looking lost and half the mafia in the background in varying states of drunkenness. He was almost certain Bubbles was standing on a table singing. **...I called it!**_ Liar. _**I did!**_ No you didn't. _**Shut up. **_No, you shut up._ BB is never going to shut up now. Raito groaned.

Kira grinned and stole the mans newspaper. One glare stopped the mans ranting before he ran over to BB and jumped on him. "Mello's president of Russia." Kira grinned.

"I knew it!" BB cackled evilly. Then he noticed Matsuda reading the newspaper and stole it. "Gimme!" Matsuda blinked, staring at where the paper had been before slowly turning to BB who was now crouched on a bench, paper in hand as his eyes moved over the lines. He cheered in triumph causing stares. "I knew he could do it!" BB cheered jumping down and waving the paper over his head as he did so.

Mello would never return to England, if he did it would be for political reasons BB knew. And he was sad about that. But Mello was happy now, and that's all he cared about. His ruby eyes focused on Matsuda who backed away slowly, then he turned and ran. BB gave chase laughing all the way.

Matt meanwhile had taken over a candy floss machine in boredom and was selling candyfloss for 50p. And he was doing well, even with the words 'Now raising funds for the goblin army' written in sharpie on the machine.

Light couldn't bring himself to be surprised.

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It's a rollercoaster, what can go wrong?

Everything it seemed. They had all gone on a rollercoaster as a group, when they got off Matt was gone. The person running of the machine wasn't even concerned. "And how do you suppose a teenager got off?" He asked raising an eyebrow. Light didn't even bother after that, no one would believe how easily Matt could make up stuff on the spot or how resourceful he was. They went on the ride again to see if they could spot him and at the highest point they spotted a familiar red head sitting there with a coke.

"MATT!" Light yelled as the ride slowed down.

"No, I am not getting back on. The goblins are marching over..." Light missing the rest of his argument when the rollercoaster shot forward leaving Matt at his new observation point.

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"Still think he couldn't get out?" Matt was on every picture that had been taken of people going down the coaster grinning widely.

"How... but..." the person started.

"Yes?" BB tried to sound sagely.

"How did he do that?!"

"That's what I asked."

"It's impossible!"

"I know."

"But..."

"Matt does odd things." BB reassured patting his shoulder while nodding his head understandingly. "It's why we love him."

"He broke every rule listed on the sign!"

"Mere words mortal, mere words."

"BB, stop being reassuring. It's not helping." Raito started.

"Aaaaaaaaawwwwwwwwwwww..." BB whined in disappointment.

"You. How do we get him down?"

"We'll need to stop the ride, phone the authorities..."

"Hi!" A voice chirped beside them.

"Hi Matt..." Raito looked at the red head.

"I hitched a ride on the dragon."

"Never mind, found him." BB grinned patting Matt's shoulder.

"How did you get off the ride?!" The person running the rollercoaster questioned loudly. Matt glared.

"Are you a spy?" Matt hissed threateningly. Light immediately grabbed his arm in case Matt jumped forward to attack him.

"No, I want to know how you got around every health and safety procedure in place!" Matt pulled out a knife and held it up. "...you didn't..."

"I cut the chains with my sword." Matt proclaimed proudly.

"Look at the time, gotta go!" Matsuda interjected pulling Matt away quickly. Kira and Light followed. **...Well, Matt's banned from coming back. **_Agreed. _They quickly left the park with Matt protesting loudly. "Should've known not to agree to this..." Matsuda muttered angrily. "Lucky the police wasn't phoned..."

"Don't wanna go!" Matt whined trying to pull away.

"Today was fun." BB commented to Light. Light nodded in agreement not thinking about what had happened or where Matt had got a knife.

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**9shadowcat9; Um... sorry it's late? #avoids items being thrown at her# Sorry, but I have excuses! #pulls out list# I'm trying to complete my college coursework so I've been to busy to write plus I've only just got internet that actually ALLOWS me to update (I hate college internet. ¬¬) so... yeah.**

**Sorry! ^^'**


	17. Chapter 17

After the theme park incident no one really knew what to do. Admire Matt for the amount of trouble he caused or stop resisting the urge to strangle him because of said trouble he caused. The biggest surprise was that Kira, Raito and Light all had differing opinions it to the point you knew who was out just by how they treated Matt.

Kira was of the opinion Matt was having fun and often joined in the pranking happily. Raito fell under neutral territory, not minding what he did so long as no one was hurt and Light felt Matt was out of control.

And he was.

No one could control Matt.

Then again, no one could control BB and no one was complaining about _him_.

Not like it would help, you'd _disappear_ one night and never be seen again.

That was how the personalities somehow stopped talking to one another whenever possible. Matsuda had been beside himself during the argument over whose body it actually was and BB had been laughing until Light quite simply dumped him saying 'it's my body damn it'.

BB was now at odds with Light on top of anything else.

And L, when he heard over the phone, dragged Mello and Near back immediately. Thus; everyone was back home and they had a war going on in someone's head. Roger had been phoned in desperation only to have him hang up on them the moment BB explained Mello running the mafia in threats if he didn't help. Three weeks later Roger found himself an inmate in his own hospital which had a new owner named Bubbles, but moving on.

"Mello!" Kira crowed happily hugging Mello tightly. The blonde froze, hugged him back after a moment's thought for a second and then let go again quickly. Near looked around the building critically.

"You've let it become dusty." Near muttered running a finger over a picture and looking at his suddenly grey finger. Near shuddered wiping his finger with his hand quickly.

"Sorry, we've had problems." Light smiled tightly.

**Oh no you did not snatch control!**_ It's my body._ Light, Kira? Please be nice._ When he agrees on how to deal with Matt._** He's fine!**_ He's out of control!_ ...I'm staying out of this. _**Good.**_ Light sighed out loud. "I'm avoiding BB, he's still annoyed I dumped him."

"_You_ dumped him." Mello repeated dully. "Not Kira, _you._" Light nodded.

"It's my body!"

"You have two other personalities in your head, get over it." Mello glared as Light gaped at him in shock. "Try listening to one another for once and you might actually get along." Mello added in mock wisdom that had Light lunge forward with a snarl. He felt his fist connect with Mello's face. And again. And again. And then he froze.

"Wow! You actually made Light punch you... stop throwing things Light!" Kira added in worry as Light yelled in fury kicking the wall in his mind. Raito was, once again, in his room reading quietly. Kira looked at Mello who was nursing a bleeding nose glaring and swallowed fearfully. Light blinked.

"Damn it Kira!" **Poor unfortunate souls.** Kira began to sing loudly. Light froze. **In pain, in need.** "You aren't." Light whispered in horror. Mello blinked. **This one longing to be thinner, that one wants to get the girl. And do I help them? Yes indeed.** Kira sounded horrible, like hamsters on helium and completely out of tune. He had to be TRYING to be this bad. **Those poor unfortunate... **"SHUT UP!" Light screamed holding his ears.

"Yeah... avoiding that one." Mello drawled with a sigh. Near followed his when he went to find Matsuda. Light continued screaming at the wall. "Well, nice to see nothing's changed." He paused as BB ran past then continued walking. Yup, insanity at its finest. Mello paused at a mirror and gasped, he'd been SEEN with his hair like this?! He pulled out a comb and brushed it straight again as Near sighed and looked around.

"They haven't been cleaning." Near muttered. Well, they had... but they weren't very good at it. Near wondered how the building had fallen apart so quickly in their absence (In truth Matsuda had refused to be the group's maid and if Matsuda didn't have to do it no one else was). Mello was still combing his hair as a shadow appeared over him.

"MELLO!" BB cheered hugging the blonde and ruffling the finely combed, perfectly parted hair. Mello nearly screamed in horror of his slightly messy hair.

"I'LL KILL YOU!" Mello screeched jumping at BB, hands wrapping around his neck. BB giggled madly as Mello snarled down at him. **You know, I'm starting to think Matt's not the only one with issues.** Kira thought watching in awe. _True. True. Peace? _** NEVAAAA! **_..._Kira **Fine, fine. Peace... I wont sing anymore... **_Good. _**What were we fighting about again?**___**... **_**...**__**Who wants cake?**_ Me. _I love it when the family comes together. ^^

It was the most anticlimactic ending to an argument ever.

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"So... how's Russia?" Matsuda asked smiling at Mello who scoffed. The group who'd bothered to come to the meeting were all sitting around the dining room table talking. Mello had insisted on sitting at the head of the table ("I am the most important person here." "Mello..." "I own the mafia Matsuda. Beat that." "And Russia...?" "Is the fact I run Russia meant to mean something to me?")

"Cold." Mello finally commented after a moments silence. "Very cold."

"Are you coming back?" BB cut in, eyes .

"No." Mello narrowed his eyes. "I'm meant to be on holiday right now so you'd better not think of kidnapping me." BB pouted, sliding the rope back into the backpack at his feet. Mello looked under the table and sighed at the sight of Matt gnawing on his boot. "Matt, I like these boots." Mello deadpanned glaring at the red head who barely looked at him.

"My jerky!" Matt hissed. Mello looked up.

"I need new shoes." Mello sighed finally as Kira slid in grinning.

"I found cake!" He yelled holding up the chocolate cake before running out again.

"That's my cake!" Mello snarled as Light ran out again, jerking his boot away from Matt after a moments thought. Near watched as Matt lay on the floor tearfully at the loss of his precious jerky... boot. His precious boot. Then he looked at Matsuda.

"Has Matsuda given up on leaving?" The older man nodded sadly.

"I'm still working on my course though!" Matsuda added happily. "I'm writing an essay on Light and his DID for extra credit." Near nodded attempting to return Matsuda's happy look. It came off as a grimace but Matsuda understood and instead launched into a tale of drinking with university buddy's not noticing (or ignoring) BB's sudden note book and pen as he wrote. Conveniently, Matsuda never mentioned names.

Unfortunately he'd mentioned bar names so BB was going to disappear for a few days (to check the bars security of course, how else would they prevent crime if the CCTV wasn't clear enough? That BB was making notes as he watched wasn't at all suspicious) but moving on.

The group fell silent after a few moments having run out of conversation. BB had no horror tales left to share, Near had given up stating he was terrible at conversation and Mello had left to go to bed because of what he claimed to be jetlag.

Matt finally poked his head over the table. "So why's everyone upset?"

"It's nothing Matt." Near reassured. "Go back to... whatever you were doing." Matt pouted but complied. They all sat as Matt hugged Near's leg happily.


End file.
